


Stellar

by DA1SYCHA1NS



Category: Shawn Mendes (Musician)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Romance, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Heartbreak, Inspired by a Shawn Mendes Song, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-02-01
Packaged: 2019-10-03 03:03:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 25,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17275877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DA1SYCHA1NS/pseuds/DA1SYCHA1NS
Summary: This is the Shawn Mendes AU teenage heartbreak story you didn’t know you needed.





	1. Strings

**Author's Note:**

> All works posted on this site are works of fanfiction unless expressly stated otherwise. I claim no ownership of any trademarked song lyrics used. I only own the original character(s) in the work.
> 
> Warning: Implied sex (no smut)
> 
> Note: Italics are song lyrics

You only turn 17 once. Stella Lennox hadn’t thought too much about that fact; she was too busy wakesurfing her birthday away, surrounded by cool blue water, bright blue sky, her best friends, and the love of her young life.

Shawn Mendes had worked hard to plan the perfect day for his girlfriend. He’d picked her up early so that they could get the best spot on the beach, and he’d spent the rest of the day chasing Stella playfully through Lake Ontario’s cool water, pulling her into his arms as often as he could catch her, placing countless kisses on her forehead, cheeks, and neck. Stella loved his silly side as much as she loved his romantic side. Both kept her guessing.

Their gear was abandoned on the sand as the sun set and the warm air turned cooler. Wet bathing suits were exchanged for warmer layers as the group gathered around a campfire Shawn was building. It was not long before he sat comfortably beside Stella, pulling her into his side. He leaned into her neck, inhaling the sweet scent of her hair. He was barely listening to the playful banter of their group of friends.

“You can’t count that, we were playing 7 Minutes in Heaven.” Catherine and Ian were arguing about who’d had more hook-ups during their junior year, which was quickly coming to a close. In only a few weeks, they would be seniors.

Shawn pulled his guitar out of its beat-up case (“well loved,” he called it) and picked at the strings mindlessly as Ian and Catherine’s debate got more heated.

“It absolutely counts, I went to second base with Sharon Hansen, it doesn’t matter how I got there.”

“Does not,” Zach jumped in to defend his girlfriend. “Brian put you up to it. You wouldn’t have gotten to _first_ base on your own.”

Ian’s annoyed muttering was drowned out by a sharp pluck to the guitar strings.

“Play something for me, babe,” Stella turned her head to look her boyfriend. She knew he wouldn’t say no if she smiled at him just the right way. She was right — it worked. Shawn began to pluck the cords to a song he often sang to her; she inspired the lyrics, after all. 

_Met this girl when I was three years old._

_We were holding hands tight, so I'm told,_

_And it felt like an eternity,_

_Said it felt like an eternity._

_'Cause I knew back then we were more than friends._

_Two-sided story, it all depends,_

_And I said it once, and I'll say it again:_

_It'll only end up hurting me._

Stella and her mum had moved down the street from the Mendes family when they were young. Stella and Shawn had become friends on the neighborhood playground and had managed to stay friends through cooties, awkward middle school years, and first boyfriends and girlfriends.

Y _ears flew by, I was less than twelve_

_Long division, I need your help._

_Can you come on over and work with me?_

_Anytime you like, I'll make it work for me._

_'Cause I knew back when if we get too close._

_When the time is right, maybe I'll propose._

_Baby climb on up, show me the ropes._

Their relationship had begun when Stella was tutoring Shawn in Geometry their sophomore year. She had always been good at math, and he preferred to spend his time practicing guitar rather than studying — until he realized how attractive his math tutor was.

Their first kiss happened when Shawn was looking over Stella’s shoulder as she modeled how to solve a particularly difficult proof. Being so close to his crush had his heart racing, and when she turned to ask him if he was following along, he noticed how her breath caught in her throat when she realized their mouths were inches apart. He couldn’t remember who moved first, but after a moment's pause in which his eyes dropped briefly to her lips, the gap between them was closed. They’d been inseparable ever since.

_Darling, I want all the strings attached._

_I love it when you look at me like that._

_And you're the only girl that brings me back_

_'Cause baby I want all the strings attached._

_It's like always and forever,_

_I won't let a moment pass,_

_And when I'm with you I feel better._

_I want all the strings, all the strings attached._

As the fire died out, Stella’s friends began to make their way home. Shawn packed up their bags and surfboards and drove Stella home.

He parked his Jeep in front of his own house and walked Stella to hers. She laced her fingers in his and leaned into his side.

“Thank you for an incredible birthday,” she sighed happily. 

“You’re welcome You know I would do anything for you.”

They had arrived at her front door, but neither was ready to say goodbye.

“You know…” Stella began shyly. She didn’t quite meet Shawn’s eyes as she finished, “it doesn’t have to be over. My mum is gone until tomorrow night.” Shawn was grateful that her porch was dark because he felt his cheeks warm just slightly. 

Their physical relationship was fairly new, and because any type of physical relationship was new to both of them, it was still a little awkward and clumsy as they learned each other.

But Shawn knew how to kiss his girlfriend. When he put his lips on hers, she melted into him. Her lips parted to allow him entrance, and his tongue swept inside to meet hers. She sighed into his mouth and enjoyed the clashing of tongues and teeth. 

They made their way upstairs, shedding sandy layers of clothes along the way to Stella’s room.

 

* * *

 

The sun streaming into Stella’s bedroom window was not what woke the sleeping couple. It was the sound of the front door opening, and Alicia Lennox coming home eight hours before she was supposed to.

Stella and Shawn sat bolt upright, all too aware that Stella’s mum was seconds away from finding them naked in her bed. It would be bad enough that any mum of a teenager would come home to find her daughter in bed with her boyfriend, but Stella’s mum had gotten pregnant and dumped at 16. Her parents had kicked her out when they found out she was having a baby, and Alicia and Stella had been on their own ever since. To say that Alicia was invested in her daughter’s bright, pregnancy-free future was an understatement; she’d spent her whole life working to ensure that Stella would not have to struggle the way that she had, and she never missed an opportunity to remind Stella of that fact. 

Shawn bolted from the bed, knowing the consequences if they were caught. Stella followed and they both scrambled to find clothes on the floor to throw on. They both remembered, too late, that most of their clothes were strewn on the stairs, forgotten the night before. 

They could hear Alicia discovering their clothes as she made her way up the narrow staircase. “ _STELLA EISLEY!”_ she called. She burst angrily through the door just as Shawn managed to pull his boxers on. Stella was barely wrapped in the sheet from her bed.

“Stella, what is this?” Alicia hissed, charging into the room.

“Ms. Lennox—” Shawn stammered, stumbling backwards and attempting to cover his mostly-naked form.

“Mum, I can explain,” Stella began at the same time, placing herself between her mum and her boyfriend. “Shawn just fell asleep—”

“I know what’s going on here!” Alicia shouted over both of them. “And it stops now. Stella, how could you—”

Stella stepped forward, trying to shield Shawn from her mother’s wrath. “Mum, I’m sorry! It won’t happen again—”

“You’re damn right it won’t,” Alicia fumed, grabbing her daughter’s wrist and pulling her forward toward the doorway. “Get out of here, Shawn,” she spat as her daughter fought to free herself from Alicia’s death-like grip. “And don’t come back.”

“Mum, no!” Stella cried, struggling to keep the sheet up and pull away from her mum at the same time. “Shawn, just go, it’s ok, I’ll talk to her—”

Her mum yanked her from the room. Shawn followed her out the door, grabbing whatever clothes he could find along the way.

“Ms. Lennox, please, this is all my fault,” he begged helplessly as he followed the women down the stairs.

Alicia turned on the teenager, her angry stare causing him to back timidly toward the front door. “Get out!” she bellowed. “Get out! Before I call the police!”

“Mum, no!” Stella sobbed. “Please! I love him! You can’t keep us apart!”

“Watch me. You two will never see each other again!” She wrenched the door open and shoved Shawn backward, onto the front porch. Shawn took one last look into his girlfriend’s desperate eyes as Alicia slammed the door in his face.


	2. Mercy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the Shawn Mendes AU teenage heartbreak story you didn’t know you needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All works posted on this site are works of fanfiction unless expressly stated otherwise. I claim no ownership of any trademarked song lyrics used. I only own the original character(s) in the work.
> 
> Warnings: None
> 
> Note: Italics are song lyrics

Stella didn’t pick up her phone the rest of the day, or the next. When Shawn went to her house, no one came to the door. By the third day, the lights inside the house stopped coming on and Stella’s phone when straight to voicemail.

Seeing his son so distraught, Shawn’s dad Manny even walked down the street to talk to Alicia himself. Shawn, desperate for answers, peered into the front windows, only to find that the house was completely empty — the furniture was gone, there was not one trace that Stella had ever been there.

Shawn felt his heart break apart as he realized that Stella was gone. His dad caught him as his legs collapsed beneath him. He struggled to breathe while Manny did his best to get his son back home.

Hours later, Shawn lay in a desolate heap in the dark of his bedroom. He couldn’t sleep, hadn’t eaten all day, and wouldn’t talk to anyone. Even his little sister Aaliyah hadn’t been able to cheer him up. Now, at three in the morning, he pushed himself out of bed slowly for the first time that day.

He picked up his guitar, not intending to do anything but pluck sadly at the strings. As he sat on his floor, leaning back against the bed, a melody found its way through Shawn’s fingers. Before long, he had put words to his heartbreak.

_ You've got a hold of me, _

_ Don't even know your power. _

_ I stand a hundred feet, _

_ But I fall when I'm around you. _

 

_ Show me an open door, _

_ Then you go and slam it on me. _

_ I can't take anymore, _

_ I'm saying baby, _

 

_ Please have mercy on me, _

_ Take it easy on my heart. _

_ Even though you don't mean to hurt me, _

_ You keep tearing me apart. _

_ Would you please have mercy, mercy on my heart? _

_ Would you please have mercy, mercy on my heart? _

Slowly, over the next weeks, Shawn’s music was the only thing that got him out of bed. Playing his guitar seemed to be gradually mending his heart. The only relief to the pain he felt was belting out his heartbreak at the top of his lungs; he sang songs other musicians had written that seemed to understand his pain, but he poured most of his energy into writing a new song.

_ I'd drive through the night _

_ Just to be near you baby. _

_ Heart open, testify, _

_ Tell me that I'm not crazy. _

Seeing Shawn begin to return to his old self again, his parents encouraged him to finish “Mercy.” It seemed to take his mind off of the radio silence he’d received from Stella. No one knew what happened to her or where her mum had taken her. Her phone was disconnected and her social media accounts had been deleted.

He just wanted to know she was ok. Her mum had been so angry, and it had been all his fault. If he hadn’t fallen asleep, she would still be here.

_ I'm not asking for a lot, _

_ Just that you're honest with me. _

_ My pride is all I got, _

_ I'm saying baby _

 

_ Please have mercy on me, _

_ Take it easy on my heart. _

_ Even though you don't mean to hurt me, _

_ You keep tearing me apart. _

_ Would you please have mercy on me? _

_ I'm a puppet on your string, _

_ And even though you got good intentions, _

_ I need you to set me free. _

_ Would you please have mercy, mercy on my heart? _

_ Would you please have mercy, mercy on my heart? _

Nights were the worst. Shawn couldn’t distract himself from the pain of missing Stella. When things were really bad, Shawn felt like the walls of his bedroom were closing in on him.

_ Consuming all the air inside my lungs, _

_ Ripping all the skin from off my bones. _

He tossed and turned, gasping for breath, trying to force air into his lungs.

_ I'm prepared to sacrifice my life, _

_ I would gladly do it twice. _

It felt like the panic attack would never end. The pain in his chest was so intense, he thought it would rip him wide open.

_ Consuming all the air inside my lungs, _

_ Ripping all the skin from off my bones. _

He grabbed for his phone on the nightstand and opened his Photos. He scrolled through photo after photo of Stella. It was her bright smile that finally brought his breathing back to normal.

_ I'm prepared to sacrifice my life, _

_ I would gladly do it twice. _

The next day, Karen sat next to her son on the edge of his bed. “Shawn,” she began.

“Where could she be?” he asked, as he had asked every day for weeks. “I don’t understand how she could just be gone.”

“I know sweetheart,” she said soothingly, placing her arm comfortingly around his shoulder. “But maybe it’s for the best.”

“Don’t say that!” he snapped. He instantly regretted talking to his mum so sharply. “How can anything be for the best when I feel like this?”

Karen looked sadly at her son. “I know that when things are really bad, like they are now, it can be really hard to see how it will all work out in the end. But I promise it will. You won’t feel like this forever.” Shawn didn’t respond. After sitting in silence, she tried again. “You know that song you’ve been working on?”

Shawn nodded.

“Have you ever thought about recording it and sharing it with your fans?” Shawn had been posting song covers on YouTube and Vine for over a year, and although he had dabbled in writing his own songs, he never shared them with the world.

“Followers, Mum,” Shawn corrected. His mouth twitched into the closest thing she’d seen to a smile since Stella left.

“Well, have you thought about it?”

“I don’t know, Mum. I don’t think anyone wants to hear me whine about my broken heart.”

“I hate to break it to you, love, but you aren’t the first one to have a broken heart. You should share it. Your  _ followers _ ,” she smiled, “could probably relate.”

Two weeks later, “Mercy” had been viewed three million times. The video, like all of his videos, featured Shawn sitting alone in his bedroom, playing his guitar and singing for the camera. Unlike his other videos, however, this one had gotten the attention of a record label rep, Andrew Gertler.

_ Oh, please have mercy on me, _

_ Take it easy on my heart. _

_ Even though you don't mean to hurt me, _

_ You keep tearing me apart. _

_ Would you please have mercy on me? _

_ I'm a puppet on your string. _

_ And even though you got good intentions, _

_ I need you to set me free. _

_ I'm begging you for mercy, mercy (on my heart). _

_ I'm begging you, begging you please baby. _

_ I'm begging you for mercy, mercy (on my heart). _

_ Oh, I'm begging you, I'm begging you, yeah. _


	3. Aftertaste

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the Shawn Mendes AU teenage heartbreak story you didn’t know you needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All works posted on this site are works of fanfiction unless expressly stated otherwise. I claim no ownership of any trademarked song lyrics used. I only own the original character(s) in the work.
> 
> Warnings: None
> 
> Note: Italics are song lyrics

Alicia hadn’t just moved Stella away from Shawn’s neighborhood; she’d dragged her daughter across the country to Edmonton. She deactivated Stella’s phone number and deleted all of her social media accounts. Alicia would do everything in her power to keep them apart and prevent Stella from repeating her own mistakes.

Stella was beside herself. She was cut off from the love over her life, her friends, her school, all just weeks before the start of her senior year. Her mum was keeping her on lockdown, never letting Stella out of her sight. She made Stella go with her to work in her new office where she’d just transferred from Pickering. She stayed home with her every night and weekend.

All Stella thought about was Shawn, and the look on his face when she saw him for the last time.

 

_Re—rewind Friday night_

_Never forget it_

_How you let me go._

_No more lies, I'll be fine._

_I know where I'm headed;_

_Probably should've known._

 

Stella was angry at her mother, but could only imagine how angry Shawn must have been with her. She’d left him behind without a word or a clue as to where she had gone. She told herself he would never forgive her, even if she came back home.

 

_And now you're gonna say, "Pretty, please forgive me."_

_Fool me once, told you twice you're gonna regret it,_

_Now you're all alone, yeah._

 

_Turns out that no one can replace me._

_I'm permanent, you can't erase me._

_I'll help you remember me,_

_One more kiss is all it takes._

_I'll leave you with the memory,_

_And the aftertaste._

 

The bitter silence that pervaded the Lennox house was suffocating. Both mother and daughter spoke little; their anger spoke volumes.

After two weeks in Edmonton, Alicia had finally had enough. She sat across from her daughter at the small kitchen table watching Stella push her food around on her plate without taking any bites.

“Oh, Stella, enough of this. It’s time to move on.”

Stella glared up at her mother. She didn’t have the energy to yell anymore.

“We did the right thing by coming here. You’ll see—”

“ _We_ did the right thing? I didn’t do anything. You dragged me across the country.”

“It’s for your own good, Stella. You can’t see this now, but he would’ve ruined your life—”

“No, Mum, you’ve done that. He made life bearable. You make it a living Hell!”

Stella stormed from the kitchen and burst into her room, slamming the door behind her. She kicked aside the boxes of her things that she hadn’t bothered unpacking and threw herself onto her bed, sobbing.

 

_Close your eyes, you can't hide,_

_Try to forget me,_

_But I'm everywhere._

_I'm the smell on your sheets._

_You weren't ready_

_When you left me there._

 

Stella cried into her pillow, and swore she could still smell the faint remnants of Shawn’s cologne. She thought about her birthday — how had it only been two weeks ago that she’d been the happiest she’d ever been?

Before she started dating Shawn, life with Alicia Lennox was barely tolerable. Shawn was supportive of Stella where Alicia had never been. Alicia only cared about Stella’s grades, which Stella always worked hard on to keep her mum happy. But Stella’s passion was dance.

She took her first dance class when she was five, and fell in love immediately. She loved all of it — every style, from ballet to modern to hip hop. She loved the way she felt when she moved, and felt she could express herself better dancing than she ever could with words.

Alicia hardly took the time to participate in Stella’s dance life, but Shawn was always there. He came to her recitals and competitions, and loved driving her to auditions, master classes, and conventions. She had found the biggest supporter in Shawn, and she never felt better dancing than when Shawn was cheering her on from the audience.

And she had left him behind.

 

_And now you're gonna say, "Pretty, please forgive me." Yeah —_

_Bet it hurts, it gets worse,_

_You know nobody said it would be fair, oh_

 

_Turns out that no one can replace me._

_I'm permanent, you can't erase me._

_I'll help you remember me,_

_One more kiss is all it takes._

_I'll leave you with the memory,_

_And the aftertaste._

 

Stella thought back to the torturous drive from Pickering to Edmonton. She had stared out the passenger window while her mum hurled hateful remarks at her, blaming Stella for uprooting their family. She called Stella careless, and many worse things. She said that Stella’s promiscuity was what got her in this position, and that if she hadn’t been so foolish she could have stayed in Pickering. She accused the teenager of throwing her entire life away for a silly boy who would have left her anyway.

Stella did her best not to cry — she was losing the love of her life and beginning to believe that it was, in fact, all her fault.

 

_And now there's something in your way_

_'Cause you threw it all to waste_

_And you wonder if you could take back what you did that day_

_And it hurts, 'cause..._

 

_Turns out that no one can replace me._

_I'm permanent, you can't erase me._

_I'll help you remember me,_

_One more kiss is all it takes._

_I'll leave you with the memory,_

_And the aftertaste._

 

Two weeks later, Stella found herself walking aimlessly through Edmonton. It was the first time her mum had let her out of the house alone since they’d moved. She didn’t know where she was going, she just knew she couldn’t spend another minute suffocating in the tiny house Alicia had rented for them.

After what felt like hours of walking without getting anywhere, a small corner building caught Stella’s eye. The building had windows on two sides, and Stella could see dancers, a young man and woman, inside a studio. She watched them turn and leap across the floor. In her head, she pictured the rise and fall of music she couldn’t hear, slow and soft in quiet movements, reaching a crescendo every time a dancer leapt off the floor. She could feel her muscles hum as she watched the intricate dance unfold.

She didn’t know how long she stood there watching the dancers, but it was long enough to catch the eye of someone inside. Stella was so lost in her thoughts, she didn’t hear the older Latina woman walk up to stand beside her.

“Can I help you?” the woman asked gently.

Stella jumped. “I’m so sorry!” she exclaimed. “I was just— the dance. It’s a beautiful piece.”

The woman’s eyebrow arched interestedly. “What do you think it’s about?”

“I think it’s about a love that can’t let go,” Stella answered thoughtfully.

“What do you mean?”

“Well. You can feel the love between them. The way they move together tells me that they know each other. It looks like they can anticipate each other’s movements. But then, they break apart - something is coming between them. I can see the pain on their faces when she jetés away from him just there. She doesn’t want to go, but something is pulling her away. And you can see that even though you know they won’t work out, somehow you can feel this is really the end for them, and they know it too, but they can’t seem to stay away from each other, not really. Like a magnet is pulling them toward each other - but when they get just close enough to touch again, they can’t. Like when you try to force the north poles of a magnet together. You can feel the attraction between them, but no matter how close they get, they can’t come together,” she gushed breathlessly.

“You see all of that,” the woman asked, surprised. She looked at the dancers critically. “Something’s not working. I can’t quite put my finger on what it is. What do you think?”

Stella hesitated. Even though the woman had just invited her criticism, she didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

The woman seemed to sense Stella’s trepidation. “Don’t worry, I can take it,” she smiled.

“Well… the part in the middle, when they’ve begun separating, their movement is too out of synch. It’s clear they still want to be together, so I wonder if some parallel movement between them might make the transition to the end smoother. And the end, of course, is too abrupt. Just because they’re breaking up, doesn’t mean it’s just over for both of them. Breakups aren’t like that. The pain will follow them, even when the dance is over. That doesn’t translate in the ending.”

The woman turned to Stella, clearly impressed with her critique. Stella smiled sheepishly. The woman stuck out her hand. “Tori Nguyen,” she said.

“I’m Stella. Stella Lennox,” Stella replied. “It’s nice to meet you. Is this your studio?”

“It is. You must dance. Do you take somewhere around here?”

“I do. Or I guess I did. I just moved here from Pickering, near Toronto. I’m not dancing now.”

Tori studied Stella. “Can you come by tomorrow? I want to see what you can do.”

“Oh, well,” Stella stammered. “I don’t know if I can. I can’t pay for—”

Tori put a hand up to stop her. “Just come by. I bet we can work something out.”

“Ok,” Stella agreed, smiling - a real, genuinely happy smile - for the first time since she saw Shawn. She thought of him again as she turned away from the studio and made her way back home.

 

_Truth is that no one can replace me._

_I'm permanent, you can't erase me._

_I'll help you remember me,_

_One more kiss is all it takes._

_I'll leave you with the memory,_

_And the aftertaste._

 

_And the aftertaste._


	4. Something Big

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the Shawn Mendes AU teenage heartbreak story you didn’t know you needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All works posted on this site are works of fanfiction unless expressly stated otherwise. I claim no ownership of any trademarked song lyrics used. I only own the original character(s) in the work.
> 
> Warnings: None
> 
> Note: Italics are song lyrics

Andrew Gertler flew Shawn and his dad to New York, where Shawn signed his first record deal. With only heartbreak waiting for him back in Pickering, Shawn dove headfirst into his music. 

 

_ Play the lotto you might win it. _

_ It's like 25 to life so you bust out of prison. _

 

_ Something's in the air, something's in the air _

 

_ It's like that feeling when you're just about to kill it, _

_ Take your last shot, you know you're gonna hit it. _

 

_ Something's in the air, something's in the air. _

 

“Mercy” became an overnight sensation after Shawn recorded it in a professional studio. The official music video earned millions more hits on YouTube than the one he recorded in his bedroom.

Shawn watched his first music video for the first time in a room crowded with record executives, his mum, dad, and sister at his side. It didn’t feel real, and Shawn found himself gripping his mum’s hand tightly. She thought he was excited, but deep down, Shawn knew the moment felt incomplete. Something - someone - was missing.

He shook off the feeling, knowing that this was a moment he should enjoy. A smile spread across his face and excitement took over.

 

_ Something big I feel it happening _

_ Out of my control _

_ Pushing, pulling, and it's grabbing me, _

_ Feel it in my bones like- _

 

While “Mercy” was on the rise, Shawn was in a Toronto recording studio nonstop, working hard to write and record his first album. He was only going to school part-time, and completing some of his credits online. His parents supported his music career, but insisted he finish high school.

He loved making music, and he loved the distraction that staying busy provided. If he was constantly working and constantly on the move, it was harder to miss Stella. Instead, he poured all of his love and all of his heartbreak into his new songs. He couldn’t share them with her, so he would share them with the world and hope that maybe they would reach her.

 

_ It's like that feeling when you're 'bout to win the medal, _

_ And you worked so hard that you knew you wouldn't settle, _

_ Hands are in the air, hands are in the air. _

 

_ When they hear you when you thought they wouldn't listen, _

_ It's like an anthem that the whole world's singing. _

_ Hands are in the air, hands are in the air. _

 

Shawn’s EP was released in record time. It took the charts by storm and received rave reviews from critics. A rabid fanbase was born almost overnight.

Shawn had hardly had time to celebrate his early success when his newly named manager, Andrew, called him into his office for a meeting. Shawn wasn’t sure what the meeting was about, but Andrew sounded serious. Shawn fidgeted nervously next to his dad as he waited for Andrew.

Shawn jumped up when Andrew came into the room. They shook hands before Andrew walked around his desk to sit down. Shawn sat, following his manager’s lead.

“Well Shawn, I know you’re dying to know why I called you in today.”

“Yes sir,” he said politely. “I hope it’s good news,” he smiled.

Andrew smiled back mischievously. He pressed a button on his office phone and spoke into the speaker. “Are you there?”

“I’m here!” a woman’s voice replied through the phone. It sounded familiar, but Shawn couldn’t quite place who it was.

“Hi Shawn, this is Taylor Swift, how are you?”

Shawn’s jaw dropped. He was too starstruck to respond.

Andrew answered for him. “He’s good, Taylor, he’s - well, he’s speechless.”

Shawn recovered. “It’s so nice to meet you - kind of,” he said. 

“You, too, Shawn! I’m hoping that one day soon we’ll meet in person,” Taylor replied.

“That would be great!” Shawn agreed. “I’m a huge fan.”

“Actually, I’m a huge fan of yours, Shawn. That’s why I called. I was thinking we could get together soon, maybe meet on stage for the 1989 Tour. What do you think about coming on the road with me?” she asked.

“Wh— Are you serious?” Shawn stammered. “I mean— what?”

Taylor laughed over the line. “I’m totally serious. I want you to open for me.”

Shawn beamed. “Yes! Are you kidding me, yes!”

 

_ Something big I feel it happening _

_ Out of my control, _

_ Pushing, pulling, and it's grabbing me, _

_ Feel it in my bones like- _

 

The 1989 Tour was an experience unlike anything else. Shawn’s fame was catapulted right along with Taylor’s megastar. Shawn played in 48 cities to stadiums filled with hundreds of thousands of people. They were there to see Taylor, but they were Mendes fans by the time his set was finished.

 

_ If we stomp our feet, _

_ The ground will shake _

_ If we clap our hands, _

_ The walls will break _

_ Yell so loud won't forget our names _

_ 'Cause something big is happening _

 

Shawn’s last night of the tour was more emotional than he’d expected. He was sad to see it end, and it felt like these would change again. He wasn’t ready for things to slow down; he knew that if he stood still for too long, he’d have to face his longing for Stella.

Taylor came looking for Shawn after her show ended. She wanted to celebrate.

“Let’s do something crazy!” she told him, grabbing his arm and pulling him out of his dressing room. Some of her dancers followed them as they headed out into the night.

“Like what?” Shawn asked. His heart was only half in it, and Taylor could tell.

“Let’s get tattoos!” one of the dancers suggested.

“Yes!” some of the other dancers agreed. “To commemorate the tour!”

“I don’t do tattoos guys,” Taylor said warningly. “But I’ll watch if you do!” she said, poking Shawn in the ribs.

Taylor’s excitement was infections, and Shawn couldn’t help but catch it.

“Ok, I’m in,” he said, shrugging. “I’ve always wanted a tattoo.”

 

_ Take this spark _

_ And start a fire _

_ Raise this up _

_ We're feeling high _

_ They can't tell us anything _

_ 'Cause something big is happening _

 

Shawn stood in front of a wall of tattoo designs, thinking about what he might want to get. Taylor stood behind him, throwing out meaningless suggestions, which he rejected.

“I’m not getting a tattoo of a pegacorn,” he said exasperatedly. “Or a cat, so don’t suggest that either.”

An Asian man came into the lobby of the tattoo parlour. “What’ll it be?” he asked in a voice that suggested he wasn’t someone to mess with.

Shawn pointed to a section on the wall with Sailor Jerry tattoos. “A swallow,” Shawn said.

“Ooooh, classic,” Taylor said approvingly.

“Black ink and shading; I don’t want any color.”

Shawn sat down and put his right hand on the tattoo artist’s table. Taylor sat at his side, squeezing his left hand for support. 

Shawn winced when he heard the buzz of the tattoo machine, but was pleasantly surprised to find that the tattoo itself didn’t hurt as much as he’d expected.

“Why a bird?” Taylor asked curiously as she watched Shawn’s ink take shape.

“Swallow is the sign of a traveler,” the artist said gruffly. “That’s why sailors wore them.”

“And because a swallow is one of the few of its kind that remember their home,” Shawn added.

“I love that. What a great reminder of home when you’re on the road.”

What Shawn didn’t say out loud was that he hoped the symbol of a traveler returning home would somehow bring Stella back to him.

 

_ Something big I feel it happening _

_ Out of my control _

_ Pushing, pulling, and it's grabbing me, _

_ Feel it in my bones. _


	5. In My Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the Shawn Mendes AU teenage heartbreak story you didn’t know you needed.
> 
> There is a warning that comes with this chapter. I am posting it at the end because *spoilers.* Scroll down before reading if you are concerned.

Stella had started school, and was spending every spare moment at her new studio. Although still not supportive, Alicia kept quiet. Stella’s mood had improved and she was staying away from boys. That was all Alicia wanted.

Tori had made a deal with Stella. Stella could take classes for free if she helped out around the studio. She cleaned, worked at the front desk, helped with accounts and billing, placed orders, and, as often as she could, she taught classes, too. Stella loved teaching almost as much as she loved dancing. She could spend countless hours putting together dance combinations to teach her kids, and she had a gift for pulling just the right emotions from the dancers to bring her choreography to life.

Tori began to lean on her more as competition season began. Stella had an eye for movement, and an ear for music. Tori frequently sought Stella’s opinion on routines, and even began letting Stella choreograph solos and small group numbers. Stella was thrilled with the money choreography and private lessons provided. She put all of her earnings away, hoping to be able to move out of her mother’s house the minute she turned eighteen.

Stella had spent the last three months distracting herself from her broken heart. Things had improved, but Stella still desperately missed Shawn and the life she had left behind. The only time she felt better was when she was dancing. It was the perfect outlet for her pain.

One night, after the studio was closed, Stella was working through some of her pain on the dance floor. As she finished a particularly difficult set of turns, she stumbled. It was unlike her to fall out of a turn, but she figured she had pushed herself too far. She was dizzy from spinning, so she allowed herself a moment to rest. She collapsed onto her back and closed her eyes, concentrating on the feeling of each muscle. Her body was stiff and she was exhausted; she’d been working nonstop and hardly allowed herself a break. Getting out of bed each day was getting harder and harder; she knew that if she allowed herself, she could sleep entire weekends away.

 

_Help me, it's like the walls are caving in._

_Sometimes I feel like giving up,_

_But I just can't._

 

She felt weak and her heart raced. Her breathing became shallow and she struggled to sit up. The most she could do was curl into a ball on her side and wait for the panic attack to end.

Tori came into the room, and when she saw Stella hyperventilating on the floor, she raced to her side. She helped Stella sit up and hang her head between her legs. She stroked Stella’s back soothingly as the panic subsided.

“Shhhh, you’re ok,” Tori whispered. “You’ll be ok.”

Stella had told Tori about what happened back home. Tori was old enough to be her mum, but she was a good listener and treated Stella like a little sister. She didn’t judge Stella the way Alicia had.

Stella allowed her head to rest on Tori’s shoulder.

“What’s going on with you, Stell? You look worse than you did the day we met. And you looked awful that day.” She nudged Stella with her shoulder.

Stella managed a small smile. “I don’t know, Tori. It hurts. Everything hurts.”

“What do you mean? Your heart?”

“Yes. And my whole body. My muscles are on fire, I feel nauseous, and I’m tired all the time. I feel like I’m falling apart without him.”

Tori turned her head to look at Stella concernedly. “Stella, I’m not sure this is heartbreak you’re feeling.”

 

_It isn't in my blood._

_Laying on the bathroom floor, feeling nothing._

_I'm overwhelmed and insecure, give me something_

_I could take to ease my mind slowly._

 

Stella was sitting on her bathroom floor with her back against the wall. She was staring unseeingly ahead of her, and had been there for hours. The tears she cried had left faint tracks on her cheeks, but she wasn’t crying anymore.

How could she have been so stupid? How could she have missed what was right in front of her?

Suddenly, she shook her head, waking herself from her stupor. She stood purposefully and walked to her bedroom. She grabbed a duffel bag from her closet and began throwing clothes into it haphazardly. She ignored all of the unpacked boxes that were still stacked carelessly in her room. She reached into her nightstand and grabbed her phone charger and a photo album.

She went back into the bathroom and threw her toiletries into a smaller bag. She turned to leave the bathroom before she remembered one last thing.

She reached into the bathroom trash can to pull the pregnancy test back out so Alicia wouldn’t find it.

 

_Just have a drink and you'll feel better._

_Just take her home and you'll feel better._

_Keep telling me that it gets better._

_Does it ever?_

 

Tori heard a soft knock on her apartment door at six the next morning. She opened the door to find Stella standing there, looking lost and afraid. She understood immediately what Stella needed.

“Come on in,” Tori said kindly. “You’ll stay with me and we’ll figure this all out.”

 

_Help me, it's like the walls are caving in._

_Sometimes I feel like giving up,_

_No medicine is strong enough._

_Someone help me._

_I'm crawling in my skin._

_Sometimes I feel like giving up,_

_But I just can't..._

 

It didn’t take Alicia long to track Stella down at Tori’s place. They’d had their worst fight yet, and although Stella hadn’t told her mum she was pregnant, she’d made it clear that she wasn’t coming home. When Alicia raised a hand to slap Stella across the face, Tori had intervened. She marched Alicia to the door and told her in no uncertain terms that she was not to come back.

“Fine!” Alicia hissed. “But you’re on your own. Don’t you dare come running back to me, Stella.”

“I won’t,” Stella said with finality. Tori slammed the door in Alicia’s face. Stella wondered how she and her mum could possibly share the same DNA.

 

_It isn't in my blood._

_It isn't in my blood._

 

Three months later, Stella was living on Tori’s pull-out couch and working at the studio full time. Tori had put up a good fight when Stella told her she wanted to quit school. In the end, they compromised and Stella applied to be homeschooled through an online program.

Tori had also helped Stella find a free clinic to ensure she had a healthy, safe pregnancy. She went to regular checkups and, once the news she was having a baby had really sunk in, she found that she was excited to meet her baby. Shawn’s baby.

Stella found it impossible not to think of Shawn. She carried a constant reminder of her love and heartbreak. Even if she hadn’t, it was impossible to avoid him. His songs were on the radio every time she turned it on, he was all over social media, and he was even touring with Taylor Swift. He was everywhere, and he seemed so happy. Like he didn’t miss her at all.

 

_I'm looking through my phone again, feeling anxious,_

_Afraid to be alone again, I hate this._

_I'm trying to find a way to chill, can't breathe, oh…_

 

Tori was the only person Stella confided in. She didn’t push too hard, but she regularly encouraged Stella to reach out to Shawn. She said he deserved to know Stella was pregnant with his baby.

There was a part of Stella that knew Tori was right. As she neared the end of her pregnancy, she caught herself accessing Shawn’s number in her phone more and more frequently.

 

_Is there somebody who could_

_Help me? It's like the walls are caving in._

_Sometimes I feel like giving up,_

_No medicine is strong enough._

_Someone help me._

_I'm crawling in my skin._

_Sometimes I feel like giving up,_

_But I just can't..._

 

One night, an eight-months pregnant Stella sat curled up on the couch in her tiny studio apartment. Stella was making enough money at the studio that she could afford to live on her own.

She was finally ready to call Shawn. Her heart raced as she heard the first ring. Before she could lose courage, a dial tone sounded.

“We’re sorry. Your call cannot be completed as dialed. Please hang up and try again.”

Stella’s shoulders slumped in defeat. She took a deep breath, then dialed the Mendes family’s house phone from memory. She waited nervously while it rang once, twice, three times. “You’ve reached the Mendes family,” Manny’s recorded voice came on the line. “We’re sorry we can’t come to the phone right now. Please leave your name and number, and we’ll get back to you as soon as we can. Have a great day!” The recording ended with a loud _beep!_

“Hi Shawn,” Stella began nervously. “It’s Stella. I, uh—” she stammered. “I’m sorry about everything. Please call me as soon as you can.” She ended the message with her new phone number.

She was still crying when she fell asleep on the couch hours later.

 

_It isn't in my blood._

_It isn't in my blood._

 

_I need somebody now._

_I need somebody now,_

_Someone to help me out._

_I need somebody now._

 

Stella was in the middle of teaching a contemporary class when she felt a sharp pain in her lower back. It was quickly followed by a trickling sensation. She looked down to find her leggings were soaked. She called for Tori, panicked.

The older dance teacher swept Stella into her car and off to the hospital. Stella struggled to focus on her breathing; she was terrified.

 

_Help me, it's like the walls are caving in_

_Sometimes I feel like giving up_

_But I just can't..._

 

Stella wasn’t in much better shape lying in the hospital bed. Tori was trying to help her breathe through the contractions, but Stella’s nervous state was making it difficult.

She hadn’t heard from Shawn. She wasn’t ready to have the baby. It didn’t feel right.

Tori worried that Stella would send the baby into distress if she didn’t calm down. She squeezed Stella’s hand and begged her to breathe, to get control of herself.

“I can’t Tori!” Stella cried. “I can’t do this! I’m not ready!”

“Stella, yes you can,” Tori said. “You are stronger than you know. And you’re not alone. You have me.”

“I need Shawn!” Stella sobbed.

Tori was beside herself with worry. She didn’t know what to do, and the nurses made it clear that if Stella didn’t pull it together, she’d hurt the baby.

“I want Shawn!” Stella cried again. “Please, Tori!”

Not knowing what else to do, Tori grabbed her phone from her purse. She opened her music app and typed in _Shawn Mendes_ with shaking hands. She selected the first song that came up: Shawn’s latest hit single.

 

_It isn't in my blood._

_It isn't in my blood._

_It isn't in my blood._

 

Although Shawn’s voice seemed as anxious as Stella was, Tori immediately noticed a difference in Stella’s breathing. Slowly but surely, she was beginning to calm down.

 

_I need somebody now._

_It isn't in my blood._

_I need somebody now._

_It isn't in my blood._

 

Five hours later, a very tired Stella held a tiny baby boy in her arms. She stared at him, wonderstruck at how perfect he was.

Tori came into the room with a bouquet of flowers. She leaned over to place a motherly kiss on Stella’s forehead.

“He’s beautiful,” she said, staring at the baby.

Stella smiled, but didn’t take her eyes off her son.

“What will you name him?”

“I think I’ll call him Shade,” Stella replied. “Shade Peter Raul Lennox.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All works posted on this site are works of fanfiction unless expressly stated otherwise. I claim no ownership of any trademarked song lyrics used. I only own the original character(s) in the work.
> 
> Warnings: Unplanned teenage pregnancy
> 
> Note: Italics are song lyrics


	6. Nervous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the Shawn Mendes AU teenage heartbreak story you didn’t know you needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All works posted on this site are works of fanfiction unless expressly stated otherwise. I claim no ownership of any trademarked song lyrics used. I only own the original character(s) in the work.
> 
> Warnings: None
> 
> Note: Italics are song lyrics

Shawn was at a popular coffee shop in LA meeting some friends. Although he’d recently moved into his own house in Toronto, he was spending time in the US to write his second full-length album.

 

_ I saw you on a Sunday in a cafe _

_ And all you did was look my way _

 

He looked up from his coffee and saw a long-legged blonde looking back at him. He could tell she recognized him, but she didn’t look starstruck. 

For the first time since Stella, Shawn felt his stomach twist.

 

_ And my heart started to race _

_ And my hands started to shake, yeah. _

 

Michael, who was sitting across from Shawn, noticed his friend’s momentary distraction and turned to see what had caught his eye.

“Now she’s a good choice,” Michael teased.

Shawn snapped out of his momentary stupor. “What do you mean?” Shawn asked sheepishly.

“That’s Hailey Baldwin. Supermodel. Daughter to Stephen Baldwin. She’s Hollywood royalty. And she’s single. And,” he turned to look at her again, “she can’t take her eyes off you.”

 

_ I heard you asked about me through a friend _

_ And my adrenaline kicked in _

_ 'Cause I've been askin' 'bout you too _

_ And now we're right here in this room. _

 

Shawn blushed. “So do you know her?”

“We’ve met at a few parties. I wouldn’t exactly call us friends. Want me to introduce you?” he asked.

“No, don’t—” Shawn began, but was cut off when Michael turned around and yelled, “Yo, Hailey!” across the cafe.

“Michael!” Shawn said under his breath, but looked up and smiled when Hailey approached the table cooly.

“Hailey Baldwin, meet Shawn Mendes,” Michael said.

 

_ I get a little bit nervous around you. _

_ Get a little bit stressed out when I think about you. _

_ Get a little excited _

_ Baby, when I think about you, yeah. _

_ Talk a little too much around you. _

_ (I talk a little too much, yeah) _

_ Get a little self-conscious when I think about you. _

_ (I get a little self-conscious) _

_ Get a little excited _

_ (I get a little excited) _

_ Baby, when I think about you, yeah _

_ Yeah, when I think about you, babe. _

 

_ We walked in the rain _

_ A couple blocks to your apartment. _

_ You told me to come inside, _

_ Caught me staring in your eyes, _

_ And I'm not usually like this, _

_ But I like what you're doing to me _

_ Ah, what you're doing to me. _

 

A few nights later, Shawn was walking Hailey up to her apartment door after their first date. He was nervous as she turned to face him.

“Do you want to come in?” she asked, looking up at him through her dark lashes.

 

_ I get a little bit nervous around you. _

_ (I get a little bit nervous) _

_ Get a little bit stressed out when I think about you. _

_ (I get a little bit stressed out) _

_ Get a little excited _

_ (I get a little excited) _

_ Baby, when I think about you, yeah. _

_ Yeah, when I think about you, babe (oh yeah). _

_ Talk a little too much around you. _

_ (I talk a little too much, yeah) _

_ Get a little self-conscious when I think about you. _

_ (I get a little self-conscious) _

_ Get a little excited _

_ (I get a little excited) _

_ Baby, when I think about you, yeah _

_ Yeah, when I think about you, babe. _

 

Shawn swallowed. “Ok. Sure.”

 

_ You got me acting like I've never done this before. _

_ I promise I'll be ready when I walk through the door, _

_ And I don't know why. _

_ No, I don't know why. _

_ Yeah... _

 

After their first date, Shawn and Hailey were more or less an item. It didn’t take long for the media to start speculating that they were a couple. They couldn’t go anywhere without paparazzi taking their picture, which made it impossible to keep their budding relationship a secret.

Shawn’s publicist convinced him that it was time to take their relationship public. “What better event to make it official than the Met Gala?” she’d asked him. He hadn’t know how to respond, and Hailey was excited, so he grudgingly agreed.

It wasn’t that he didn’t like Hailey. She definitely gave him butterflies and was tons of fun to be around. She was friends with everyone important in Hollywood, and Shawn knew that it couldn’t hurt his career to network with the biggest names in show business. Hailey didn’t seem to hate being seen on his arm, either.

He still thought about Stella. Not as much as he had before, but a day didn’t go by that she didn’t cross his mind. He worried about what she would think if she found out he was in a relationship.

He shook off the thought. Stella was the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen; she had undoubtedly moved on by now. He hoped she was happy, wherever she was.

He turned his concentration on Hailey. Maybe the only way to truly get over his first love was to fall in love with someone else.

 

_ I get a little bit nervous around you. _

_ (I get a little bit nervous) _

_ Get a little bit stressed out when I think about you. _

_ (I get a little bit stressed out) _

_ Get a little excited _

_ (I get a little excited) _

_ Baby, when I think about you, yeah. _

_ Yeah, when I think about you, babe (oh yeah). _

_ Talk a little too much around you. _

_ (I talk a little too much, yeah) _

_ Get a little self-conscious when I think about you. _

_ (I get a little self-conscious) _

_ Get a little excited _

_ (I get a little excited) _

_ Baby, when I think about you, _

_ Yeah, when I think about you, babe. _


	7. A Little Too Much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the Shawn Mendes AU teenage heartbreak story you didn’t know you needed.
> 
> I'm going to repost the warning from Chapter 5 here, just to play it safe. I am posting it at the end because *spoilers.* Scroll down before reading if you are concerned.

Shade was practically raised in Tori’s dance studio. Stella took him to work with her so that she wouldn’t have to pay for expensive childcare. The studio mums loved holding Shade while Stella taught, and he was always content to play on a blanket and watch his mum dance. He was joining her on the dance floor before he could walk. Stella hoped that he would love dance as much as she did.

Shade was two years old when Stella got the opportunity of a lifetime. Her choreography had been noticed at competitions, and she’d been hired to choreograph for other studios in and around Edmonton. She and Shade had even gotten to travel some so Stella could work with other companies.

The biggest dance studio in Toronto had flown Stella out to work on a few numbers, and they were so impressed with her choreography and the way she worked with her students that they wanted her to move to the city and work with them.

She had only told Tori about the offer because it was interesting; she had no intention of leaving Edmonton. She and Shade were happy there, and Tori was an angel. She was always willing to help with Shade whenever Stella needed it. She was like a grandmother to the little boy.

Stella was surprised at Tori’s reaction to her news. “You have to take the job,” Tori said.

“What? No, I don’t! My whole life is here!” Stella argued.

“Stella Eisley,” Tori said in her most motherly, commanding voice, “they’re offering you things I can never give you. A hell of a lot bigger salary, and benefits. Job security. And the schools in Toronto will be better for Shade than what we have here. You can make a new life there.”

“Tori, I can’t leave you.”

“Yes you can. I didn’t take you in three years ago so that you’d work with me forever. Damn it, girl, I didn’t intend for you to be here for one year. But here we are, three years later, and you’re too comfortable. You’d stay with me forever if I let you.”

“That’s not true,” Stella said, but with little conviction. Life with Tori _was_ comfortable. She had more help than she ever anticipated she would have when she first found out she was pregnant. As much as she hated to admit it to herself, Stella wasn’t quite as independent as she had let herself believe.

Tori smiled knowingly.

“And what will you do without me?” Stella asked smartly.

“I was fine before you and I’ll be fine again,” Tori replied.

Stella’s eyes watered at the prospect of leaving Tori behind. “How could I ever begin to thank you for everything you’ve done for me? And for Shade?”

Tori thought for a moment. “I never did it to get anything back,” she paused, “although free choreography never hurt anyone.”

“Done.”

 

_She would not show that she was afraid,_

_But being and feeling alone was too much to face._

_Though everyone said that she was so strong,_

_What they didn't know is that she could barely carry on._

 

Stella held Shade’s small hand tightly as they stepped off the plane in Toronto. It had been three years since she’d moved across the country.

 

_But she knew that she would be okay,_

_So she didn't let it get in her way._

 

Stella and Shade stared out the window of their cab excitedly as they headed away from the airport. She had forgotten how busy Toronto was compared to Pickering. They passed crowds of people walking through Dundas Square, Toronto’s version of Times Square. Stella’s new studio had booked a hotel room right in the heart of downtown Toronto for her and Shade to stay in while they got settled.

 

_Sometimes it all gets a little too much,_

_But you gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up,_

_And you don't have to be afraid, because we're all the same,_

_And we know that sometimes it all gets a little too much._

 

The first night in Toronto was the hardest. Stella could hardly sleep; the strange noises of the busy street below kept her up. Memories of her hometown flooded her mind while she sat in her window overlooking the city. She remembered Shawn most clearly of all.

In three years, her heart had mended, but she hadn’t moved on. She had tried going on a few dates after Shade was born, but she couldn’t fake enough interest to make it work. She found it impossible not to think of Shawn, especially when she looked at her son. Shade was a carbon copy of his dad, especially his big smile and dark curls. Not that Stella would change a thing. Even if that meant she would spend the rest of her life alone.

Her thoughts turned from Shawn to her new job. She was nervous. She liked everyone she’d met at the new studio, but she didn’t know what she would do without Tori. She had been her rock, the big sister she’d never had — the mum she wished she had. Now she was truly on her own; it was time to stand on her own two feet.

 

_She would always tell herself she could do this._

_She would use no help, it would be just fine._

_But when it got hard she would lose her focus,_

_So take my hand and we'll be alright._

 

Stella willed herself to stay calm as doubts crept into her mind. She worried that Shade wouldn’t be happy here in such a big, fast-paced city. She  didn’t know anyone; she didn’t have anyone. She felt the sudden urge to hear Tori’s comforting voice. She glanced at the clock on the nightstand; three in the morning. She couldn’t call Tori.

Stella thought to herself, _What would Tori say?_ She could almost picture her mentor sitting across the windowsill. Tori would tell her quit whining, put on her big girl panties, and get to work. Stella took a deep, determined breath. “You can do this,” she said to her reflection in the window. “You can do this.”

 

_And she knew that she would be okay,_

_So she didn't let it get in her way._

 

_Sometimes it all gets a little too much,_

_But you gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up,_

_And you don't have to be afraid, because we're all the same,_

_And we know that sometimes it all gets a little too much, yeah._

_A little too much, I said a little too much, oh_

_Sometimes it all gets a little too much,_

_But you gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up,_

_And you don't have to be afraid, because we're all the same._

 

_And we know that sometimes it all gets a little too much yeah_

_Sometimes it all gets a little too much,_

_But you gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up,_

_And you don't have to be afraid, because we're all the same,_

_And we know that sometimes it all gets a little too much._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All works posted on this site are works of fanfiction unless expressly stated otherwise. I claim no ownership of any trademarked song lyrics used. I only own the original character(s) in the work.
> 
> Warnings: Unplanned teenage pregnancy
> 
> Note: Italics are song lyrics


	8. Three Empty Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the Shawn Mendes AU teenage heartbreak story you didn’t know you needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All works posted on this site are works of fanfiction unless expressly stated otherwise. I claim no ownership of any trademarked song lyrics used. I only own the original character(s) in the work.
> 
> Warnings: None
> 
> Note: Italics are song lyrics

Shawn and Hailey had been together for 18 months. In that time, Shawn had released his second album and toured the world, playing for sold—out arenas. He had been spending time in LA recording his next album.

He was having a harder time writing songs lately. Maybe it was because he was tired from being on the road, or because he missed home. Deep down, Shawn was afraid it was because he was actively trying to write songs about anything other than Stella. She’d been his inspiration for every love song he’d written — and every angst-filled heartbreak song, too.

He sat in an empty recording studio, strumming listlessly on his guitar. He thought about Hailey. Their relationship had been a good distraction for him, but his tour had been hard on them. He was glad to be back in one city so that they could spend time together and pick up where they left off.

It was thinking about Hailey that gave him lyrics he’d had such a difficult time finding. He sang quietly:

 

_I'll pick you up at the same time,_

_At the same place, the same old drive._

_We'll just talk about our day_

_To try to fill the awkward space tonight._

 

He hadn’t meant to say awkward. Things weren’t awkward between Hailey and him; any silence between them was comforting.

 

_We'll play the songs we used to love_

_While we try to fall in love again._

_We don't know who's wrong or right,_

_We don't even care enough to fight._

_We're going through the motions_

_'Cause we can't fix what's broken._

 

Shawn really didn’t know where that had come from. He wasn’t unhappy with Hailey. Was he? He spent the rest of the day wrestling with that question.

 

_And I know it's gonna hurt,_

_But, darling, I'll go first_

_'Cause I won't keep on saying those three empty words._

_No, I won't keep on saying those three empty words._

 

Later that night, Hailey met Shawn at his hotel. She was dressed up from a red carpet event she’d attended that night. She had wanted Shawn to escort her, but he’d said he needed a break after the tour.

He sat at the edge of his bed while she made herself comfortable in the armchair in the corner. She took out her phone and began scrolling through Twitter.

“How was it?” he asked.

She didn’t bother answering; she only shrugged, he guessed to indicate that it had been ok.

 

_We're still talking everyday_

_I'm running out of things to say to ya._

_What's really gonna break my heart_

_Is to have to tell your little brother._

 

_It might be easier to stay,_

_But it'll never be the same, no, oh, no._

_And if something doesn't change,_

_Then we'll keep on sinking further._

 

He tried again. “Did you have fun?”

Hailey looked up from her phone and frowned. “Yeah, I guess,” she said, sounding annoyed.

“I’m sorry I didn’t go.”

“Whatever.” This time she didn’t even bother to look up.

 

_Oh, we're going through the motions_

_'Cause we can't fix what's broken_

_And I know it's gonna hurt,_

_But, darling, I'll go first_

_'Cause I won't keep on saying those three empty words._

 

“Maybe tomorrow night we can go to Nobu,” he offered. It was her favorite restaurant, not because of the food, but because it’s where you went if you wanted to be seen. And Hailey always wanted to be seen, especially if it was with Shawn.

“I don’t know, Shawn.” She finally looked up. He could tell she was mad at him for skipping her event, but he couldn’t bring himself to put up a fight. It didn’t seem worth the energy.

 

_Those three empty words_

_Will only make it worse_

_I'm tired, I can't take it anymore._

_Those three empty words_

_Will only make it worse_

_We're tired, we can't take it anymore._

 

“Hailey—”

“I think I’m going to go home,” she said, standing up.

He stood up, too. He swallowed, knowing what he needed to do.

 

_We're going through the motions_

_'Cause we can't fix what's broken, no._

_And I know it's gonna hurt,_

_But, darling, I'll go first,_

_I won't keep on saying those three empty words._

_We don't have to keep on saying those three empty words._

_No, I can't keep on saying those three empty words._


	9. Imagination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the Shawn Mendes AU teenage heartbreak story you didn’t know you needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All works posted on this site are works of fanfiction unless expressly stated otherwise. I claim no ownership of any trademarked song lyrics used. I only own the original character(s) in the work.
> 
> Warnings: None
> 
> Note: Italics are song lyrics
> 
> This chapter switches point of view frequently. The horizontal line indicates when the POV changes.

After he and Hailey had broken up, Shawn returned to his home in Toronto. He needed a break from Hollywood, he needed to focus on writing his album, and he needed to be around his family as much as possible.

Going to sleep in his own bed, he felt settled for the first time in a long time. It was that vulnerability that allowed his subconscious to conjure up images of Stella while he slept. He hadn’t dreamt about her in months.

He woke up thinking about Stella. He sat up sleepily and made his way to his large, open kitchen. He opened the cabinet above his coffeemaker, where the coffee should have been. Except Shawn hadn’t been home in months and his cabinet was empty.

“Nooooo,” Shawn moaned. He was going to be useless without caffeine.

He headed back upstairs to throw on clothes for the gym, grabbed his keys, and headed out the door.

 

* * *

  
It was Stella’s turn to get coffee for the faculty. She left Shade at the studio with Zoe, a teacher Stella was becoming close with, and headed down the street to the closest coffee shop. Someone from the studio went almost every day.

Stella was starting to settle into her new life. She’d found an affordable apartment for her and Shade that wasn’t too far outside downtown Toronto, where the studio was. It was small, but they didn’t need a lot of space, and rent was higher here than it had been in Edmonton.

Shade seemed happier than he had ever been. Stella could tell he missed Tori, but he fit right into his new studio family. The faculty and dancers adored and fawned over him, and he had a friend to play with while his mum worked. Zoe had a little girl, Selena, who was only six months older than Shade.

Stella still caught herself thinking of Shawn often. Being so close to where they grew up made it hard for her to keep him out of her head. Any time she passed somewhere they had been together, she could see him so clearly she could swear it was him. She tried not to think about him as she made her caffeine run.

* * *

 

Shawn was still thinking about Stella when he exited his favorite coffee shop near the gym. His dreams had been so vivid that he was seeing her face everywhere, on every stranger he passed. He ducked his head as he stepped further from the coffee shop entrance, hoping to avoid being recognized.

He was so distracted that when he turned the corner, his shoulder slammed hard into a woman who was walking the opposite direction. The coffee he had been holding was knocked from his hand, splashing onto the sidewalk below.

“I’m so—” he began as he looked up to apologize at the woman he’d run into. When he saw her face, the rest of his sentence caught in his throat. He shook his head, sure he was imagining that the woman staring back at him with an expression as shocked as his was Stella Lennox.

Her mouth gaped at him. She was speechless, too.

In the half second of commotion that passed between dropping his coffee and recognizing Stella, someone recognized Shawn. Not a moment later, he was swept up by a crowd of excited fans.

* * *

 

 At first, Stella was sure she had imagined that she had just run into — actually _run into_ — Shawn on a crowded street in downtown Toronto. She pictured him everywhere she went. She’d seen his face countless times over the last three years and had been wrong every time.

But when she looked back at the crowd of people that had encircled Shawn, effectively splitting them apart in front of the coffeeshop, she knew it was him. She could hear people in the crowd excitedly shouting his name, asking for pictures with the star.

She didn’t know what to do or how to feel; she was so shocked, she turned and practically ran back to the studio. She’d come so far from the scared teenager she was when she found out she was pregnant, but she wasn’t prepared to face her past.

 

* * *

 

_Oh, there she goes again_

_Every morning it's the same,_

_You walk on by my house,_

_I wanna call out your name._

 

Shawn tried to fight his way through the crowd — it was truly incredible how many people seemed to appear out of nowhere — but in the minutes that had passed, Stella had disappeared.

He took off down the street in the direction he thought she’d gone, but she was nowhere to be found. Finally, he turned, walked back to his car, and drove dejectedly home.

Three days later, he was moping on his couch. He had thought of nothing but Stella. He closed his eyes and conjured the image of her, staring wide-eyed at him from just feet away. She had opened her mouth as if to speak, but no words had come out.

He mentally compared her to the seventeen-year-old Stella. She was more beautiful than ever. She still wore her blonde hair in loose waves. She looked like she was coming from a dance class; she wore tight black leggings under a loose shirt, which had always been her preference for practice. Her legs looked longer, leaner, and more appealing than ever. She was a little thinner than he remembered, especially in her face. The biggest difference was her eyes — maybe it was because she was shocked to see him, but her eyes didn’t hold the mischievous, carefree glint he remembered. She almost looked sad.

He had frantically tried to find her on social media, although he’d searched for her on random lonely nights many times before and found nothing. He’d even enlisted the help of his closest friends. He was determined to find her. Even if she didn’t want to see him, he had to try.

 

_I wanna tell you how beautiful you are from where I'm standing_

_You got me thinking what we could be 'cause..._

 

* * *

 

 

Stella was watching Shade play on the playground of a small park near their apartment when her phone rang. She exhaled a sigh of relief when she saw Tori’s name across the screen.

“You have no idea how much I need you right now,” she said by way of answering the phone.

“Hi Stella!” Tori said happily. “Miss me?”

“You have no idea,” Stella sighed.

“You don’t like the new studio?” Tori asked.

“No, it’s not that, I am starting to really like it here. But Tori, I saw him. I saw Shawn. He’s here.”

“In Toronto? I thought he lived in LA.”

“He doesn’t. I Googled him. He lives here. I ran into him outside a coffee shop.”

“You ran into him! Like—“

“I literally ran into him. Or — maybe he ran into me. It happened so fast, and there was coffee everywhere—“

“Ok, ok, slow down Stella. Start from the beginning.”

Stella recounted every detail of her brief encounter with Shawn.

“And you’re absolutely sure it was him?”

“Yes! I looked on Twitter. People were posting selfies with Shawn outside the same coffeeshop I was going to on the day I saw him. It was definitely him.”

“But you didn’t talk to him.”

“No! Haven’t you been listening? I freaked out and took off. I didn’t know what else to do. I was just standing there, gaping at him like an idiot. And then this big crowd swarmed him and I split. What else could I do?’

“Well here’s an idea,” Tori said sarcastically. “You could have talked to him. You’ve been pining over him for three years, and you finally get a chance to talk to him, and you run away?”

“I didn’t know what to say.”

“Ok, let’s pretend I’m Shawn.”

“What? No! What’s the point of that?”

“Look, do you want to see him again or not?”

“I don’t know,” Stella said nervously. “I guess. Yes. Of course I do,” she admitted.

“Then you need to be ready to talk to him. So. Let’s pretend I’m him. What would you say?”

“I guess I would tell him that I’m sorry I left him and that I didn’t have a choice.”

“Ok, that’s a good start. What else?”

“I’d have to tell him about Shade. But how do I even—” Tori could hear the stress in her voice.

“Stella, listen. If Shawn is as a great of a guy as you say he is, he’ll want to know about Shade. He’ll want to be part of his life.”

“What if he tries to take him away from me?” Stella asked.

“Does that sound like the Shawn you knew?”

Stella thought about the Shawn she knew. The goofy, sweet, loving, sensitive, caring Shawn who would never do anything to hurt anyone. Who always put everyone else before himself. “No, that’s not the Shawn I knew. But I don’t know him anymore.”

“Then maybe you don’t start with Shade. Not right away, anyway. Maybe you just start by getting to know him again. And letting him get to know you. You know, you’ve also changed a lot since you were seventeen.”

Stella thought about what Tori had said. She thought maybe, just maybe, if she saw Shawn again, she would be ready to talk to him.

 

_I keep craving, craving_

_You don't know it but it's true_

_Can't get my mouth to say the words they wanna say to you._

_This is typical of love,_

_Can't wait anymore, I won't wait_

_I need to tell you how I feel when I see us together forever—_

 

* * *

 

Shawn was still moping on his couch that evening, but he was sitting up and a couple of friends had joined him for a chill night of video games and takeout, so his condition had improved slightly. He had just finished telling the story of running into Stella.

Ian, Shawn’s best friend since grade school, was flabbergasted. “I can’t believe she’s here. No one has heard from her in years!”

“So will you see her again?” asked Matt.

“I want to, but I don’t know how to find her. I tried following her, but by the time I got out of the mob, she was gone.”

“Did you look on Instagram?” asked Brian.

“Yes,” Shawn replied.

“Twitter?”

“Yeah.”

“Snapchat?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Facebook?”

“What? No one’s on Facebook anymore,” Shawn responded. “But yes, I did look.”

“What day did you say you saw her?” Ian asked.

“Uh… Tuesday,” Shawn calculated.

“At the coffee shop on Church?”

“Yes,” Shawn answered.

Ian was thumbing through his phone. “Here?” Ian asked, holding up his phone for Shawn to see the screen.

Shawn saw picture after picture of the mob scene that people had tweeted. “Yeah, that was right after I saw her.”

Ian took back his phone and began looking through the pictures carefully.

“She left, she won’t be in those pictures. There’s no point in looking,” Shawn sounded defeated.

After a few minutes of searching, Ian held up the phone again. “Is that her?” he asked.

Shawn looked closely at the woman he thought Ian was indicating. “No, that’s not her. I mean yeah, she’d blonde, but that doesn’t look anything like her.”

Ian looked at the screen again. “Not her, _her_ ,” he said, pointing to the back of a woman’s head. A blonde woman. Shawn could tell she was wearing black leggings and boots. He thought he remembered Stella was wearing boots.

Shawn practically jumped from the couch, grabbing the phone out of Ian’s hands. “That’s her! At least it could be her!” he said excitedly.

Matt and Brian both reached for the phone to see, but Shawn wouldn’t let it go. He was zooming into the picture to see if there was any detail that would prove it was Stella. Whoever she was, she was walking away from the camera. Her blonde hair was flying out from behind her as though she had turned quickly to walk away. She appeared to have just thrown her bag over her shoulder as she was turning around. Shawn zoomed in further — and that’s when he saw it.

“Look, on the bag!” he exclaimed. “Do you see it?”

Ian peered over Shawn’s shoulder to look at the picture again. “Is that a logo?” he asked, squinting at her bag.

“I think so!” Shawn was beside himself with excitement. “What does it say?”

Matt took the phone back. “I think that’s a Z. Or… an L?”

Brian disagreed. “Are you an idiot? That’s definitely a T.”

Ian looked at it again. “What’s that above the T or whatever that big letter is?”

“Looks like maybe sturdy,” said Brian.

“Stupid?” asked Matt.

“You’re stupid,” Brian sniggered.

Shawn shoved him. “Stoned? That’s definitely an ‘st,’” Shawn said. “Maybe.”

“Stucco?” Ian suggested. “She works for a stucco company!” he exclaimed excitedly.

“Now who’s the stupid one?” Brian asked.

“Stucco…” Shawn thought. “Stuuuh… studio? STUDIO! It’s a dance studio!” He was jumping up and down in excitement.

“Ok let’s Google it. Studio… T,” Matt typed on his phone. “There’s a Tremaine Studio. Could the T stand for Toronto? There’s nothing called ‘Studio Toronto.”

“What about Studio Z?”

“Nothing.”

Ian was squinting at the picture of the logo again. “Could is be a 7?”

“Studio 7— that sounds like a club! Is she _that kind_ of dancer?” Brian looked sideways at Shawn, who smacked him in the shoulder.

“Studio 7!” Matt shouted. “Look at the logo! It looks like the bag!”

Shawn was jumping up and down on the couch now. “She must dance there!”

“Look at the website, look at the website!” Ian was bouncing on his toes.

Matt navigated to the Studio 7 site and began looking through the company page. “I don’t see her,” he said, disappointedly.

“Maybe she works there,” Brian added, helpful for the first time that night.

“She’s not on the faculty page either,” Matt said after a minute of searching.

“Can we call?” asked Ian. They waited impatiently while he looked up the studio hours.

“They’re closed until 8:00 am,” Matt said.

After his friends had left, Shawn lay awake in his bed, thinking about Stella. He would go to Studio 7 in the morning. When he finally managed to fall asleep, he dreamt of Stella.

 

_In my dreams you're with me._

_We'll be everything I want us to be._

_And from there — who knows?_

_Maybe this will be the night that we kiss for the first time._

_Or is that just me and my imagination?_

 

* * *

 

 

Stella and Shade opened the studio at seven the next morning. She needed to spend some time working on a combination before her morning contemporary class started, and she wanted to leave some of her anxiety on the floor. Dancing always made her feel better.

 

* * *

 

Shawn was standing outside the studio door at twenty to seven. He had waited as long as he could to leave his house, but his excitement — and his nerves — had gotten the better of him. He wore a baseball cap and sunglasses, hoping to remain anonymous in the busy city. He didn’t want another scene like before.

He peered in the studio windows. They were reflective, so he had to put his face against the glass to see inside. He jumped slightly when he realized a woman was staring back at him from inside. She walked around the large counter she had been standing behind and approached the door. She pointed to the sign on the door that indicated the studio hours, and then to her left wrist to indicate that he was too early.

“Please,” he plead through the door. He took off his sunglasses, hoping the woman might recognize him and let him in.

She didn’t recognize him right away, but the pathetic look in his eyes made her unlock the door and open it just enough to poke her head out. “Can I help you?”

“Hi. I know this is going to sound crazy, but I’m looking for someone. I think she dances here. Or maybe works here.”

“Who are you looking for?” Zoe asked.

“Stella Lennox,” Shawn said hopefully.

“There’s no one here by that name,” she said.

The hopeless look that crossed Shawn’s face nearly broke Zoe’s heart.

“But...” Zoe paused thoughtfully. “Do you mean Stella Knox?”

Shawn wondered if they could be talking about the same woman. If they were, and his Stella was going by a different name, that would explain why he’d never been able to find her online.

“Blonde hair? Blue eyes? About this tall?” Shawn asked, holding his hand up to indicate that the Stella he was looking for came up to his jaw. “I have a picture of her,” he said, reaching into his pocket to pull out his phone.

Zoe held her hand up. “No, it’s ok. I’ll just go get her for you. You can wait down here.” She opened the door further to let Shawn into the lobby. She turned to go up a set of spiral stairs to the studio where Stella was warming up.

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey, Stell, there’s some guy here to see you,” Zoe said as she walked across the space to where Stella was stretched out on the floor. Shade was adorably mimicking her stretches. Or trying to, at least.

“What guy?” Stella asked curiously.

“I don’t know, but he’s tall, dark, and hot,” Zoe said. “He’s waiting downstairs.”

Stella gasped. It had to be Shawn. “What did he say?”

“He just said he was looking for you. Well, actually, he said he was looking for Stella Lennox. Is that you?”

“I just use Knox professionally. Lennox is my real last name.”

“Well I guess he found the right girl, then. You going to go talk to him?” Zoe asked.

“I guess I have to.” Stella hesitated before she walked downstairs. “Zoe, could you keep an eye on Shade for me? Keep him up here?”

“Sure,” Zoe agreed.

Stella glanced in the mirror on her way out the door. _It could be worse_ , she thought, looking over her faux leather leggings and black tee. She ruffled her hair, attempting to give it a little more life. It would have to do.

She stood at the top of the stairs. Shawn was standing in the lobby, his back to her. He looked taller than she remembered, and his hair was longer, but it was him. She took a last deep breath before making her way down.

She was almost to the bottom of the stairs when Shawn turned around. She heard him inhale sharply. She stepped onto the landing and stopped. He was just feet away. Neither of them moved and neither of them spoke for a long moment.

Finally, he broke the silence. “Stella,” he whispered.

She took a tentative step forward. “Hi Shawn,” she said. She didn’t sound nearly as nervous as she felt. “It’s been a long time.”

He smiled. “Too long.”

Stella’s head dipped down. She didn’t know what to say.

Shawn crossed the room in three steps. He was suddenly right in front of her, so close she could touch him, and she wanted to. Without thinking, she reached her hand up as if to touch his arm, but paused halfway there. She didn’t know if he would want her to touch him after everything she had put him through.

But he did want to touch her. He took one more step forward and wrapped her in his arms. Stella hesitated, only briefly, before she brought her arms up to encircle his waist. She let out a breath that she felt like she’d been holding for years. She felt Shawn’s mouth brush the top of her head gently.

When they finally pulled apart, Stella and Shawn both had tears in their eyes.

“I don’t know what to say,” she confessed, smiling.

He beamed back at her. “Have you been here all this time?” His hands were still on her arms, as though he was afraid she would disappear if he let go.

“No,” Stella was crying in earnest now. “My mum moved us to Edmonton after—” she couldn’t bring herself to finish her sentence. They both knew what she meant. “I’ve only been here for a month.”

“You’re still dancing,” Shawn said, looking around at the studio lobby.

“Choreographing mostly. And teaching,” she said. “And you. You’re taking over the world.”

Shawn blushed. “It’s been quite a ride.”

“Well listen,” Stella started. “My class is about to show up—”

“Can I see you again? Can we,” Shawn interrupted her, “can we get together? And talk?”

Stella thought about all of the things she needed to tell him, and knew it would be the hardest thing she ever had to do. Harder even than leaving him behind all those years ago. “Yes,” she said finally. “There are things we need to say.”

 

_We walk, we laugh, we spend our time_

_Walking by the ocean side._

_Our hands are gently intertwined,_

_A feeling I just can't describe._

_All this time we spent alone_

_Thinking we could not belong_

_To something so damn beautiful,_

_So damn beautiful._

 

Stella and Shawn met at a nearby Lake Ontario marina the next evening. Shawn had suggested it — he liked walking by the water and he frequented this particular spot because it seemed no one recognized him there. Stella had left Shade with Zoe and Selena, although it made her nervous. She’d never left Shade with anyone but Tori before.

At first, the conversation was awkward. Although they had three years worth of catching up to do, Shawn could tell that Stella was holding back.

Shawn was furious as he listened to Stella recount her move from Pickering to Edmonton. He clenched his fists as Stella told him the things her mum did, and especially the things she had said to her.

“But then I met the most amazing woman, Tori, who owns a studio there. She let me work around the studio so that I could dance for free, and after I moved out of my mum’s house, she took me in, too.”

“When did you move out?”

“Before I graduated. I just… couldn’t take it anymore,” Stella said vaguely. “And then I started working at the studio full time and finished high school online—”

“Hey, me too!” Shawn interrupted, excited that they had something in common. He had no idea how different their experiences had been.

“Over the years my choreography started getting some attention. And then Studio 7 picked me up, and as much as I didn’t want to leave Tori, the opportunity was too good to pass up. So here I am,” she finished.

“What about your mum?” Shawn asked.

“I don’t know,” Stella sighed. “We haven’t spoken since I moved out. I don’t think I can ever forgive her for what she did to me. For what she did to us.”

They had been walking, but Shawn stopped and turned to look at Stella. She had that sad look in her eye again, the one that told him there might be more to the story than she was ready to share.

“But my life has been so boring compared to yours!” Stella perked up as she began walking along the water again. “World tours, awards, record-breaking hits, famous girlfriends—”

“ _One_ famous girlfriend,” Shawn corrected. “Well. One famous ex-girlfriend.”

“Oh?” Stella asked, trying not to sound too hopeful.

“She was just… she wasn’t…” Shawn wanted to say _she wasn’t you_ , but he didn’t want to scare her away. “It was never going to work out. It was over for a long time before we broke up.”

“I’m sorry,” Stella said quietly.

“I’m not,” he replied.

_I keep craving, craving, you don't know it, but it's true._

_Can't get my mouth to say the words they wanna say to you._

_This is typical of love,_

_Can't wait anymore, I won't wait_

_I need to tell you how I feel when I see us together forever._

 

_In my dreams you're with me_

_We'll be everything I want us to be._

_And from there — who knows?_

_Maybe this will be the night that we kiss for the first time,_

_Or is that just me and my imagination?_

 

The awkwardness between them dissipated more the longer they talked. Shawn was hopeful that they were finding their way back to each other, the way he’d always dreamed they would. His hand itched to reach for hers, but he put his hands in his pockets instead. In some ways, Stella reminded him of a wild animal — it seemed she might bolt at any moment.

When they reached the end of the marina, they turned to look out over Lake Ontario as the sun set across the water. Shawn took a deep breath, then slowly placed his arm around Stella’s shoulder. He felt her body stiffen momentarily before she relaxed into his touch. It felt so natural to him, like they had never been apart. He wanted to hold her and never let her go.

They stood in silence as the sky darkened around them. They both knew there was more to say, but for the moment, they were content to simply breathe each other in. The awkwardness had been replaced with a new kind of tension Shawn could feel humming between them. He clutched her body to his a little more tightly, only to have her pull away, slowly untangling their arms.

“I should go,” she said.

“But _—_ ” Shawn began to protest.

“I really need to get back home. But this was nice,” Stella conceded.

“Can I see you again?” Shawn blurted out before she could flee. The hope in his eyes was evident. “Take you to dinner?”

Stella thought her heart might explode then and there. She longed to close the distance between them and feel his arms wrap around her again, to feel his lips on hers. But she knew that she had to tell him the truth before they went any further.

“Shawn, there’s something you should know,” she said.

Shawn’s face fell. “Oh. Is there… is there someone else?”

Stella just couldn’t bring herself to tell him. Not yet. The fear of losing her son overcame her. “Yes,” she said before she thought about what that would mean.

“Oh. I see.” It felt like his heart might shatter. “Is it serious?” he asked after a long silence.

“It’s pretty serious,” she said, thinking of her son.

“I see,” Shawn said dejectedly. But he still wasn’t ready to give up on Stella. “But can I still see you? As a friend? I mean, after all this time. I’m just not ready to say goodbye again.”

“Of course,” Stella smiled sadly. “Friends.”

For now, Shawn would accept that.

 

_In my dreams you're with me_

_We'll be everything I want us to be_

_And from there — who knows?_

_Maybe this will be the night that we kiss for the first time,_

_Or is that just me and my imagination?_

 

_I keep craving, craving_

_You don't know it, but it's true._

_Can't get my mouth to say the words they wanna say to you..._


	10. Ruin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the Shawn Mendes AU teenage heartbreak story you didn’t know you needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All works posted on this site are works of fanfiction unless expressly stated otherwise. I claim no ownership of any trademarked song lyrics used. I only own the original character(s) in the work.
> 
> Warnings: None
> 
> Note: Italics are song lyrics

Shawn couldn’t sleep. He stayed up with his guitar, and a song flowed freely for the first time in months.

 

_ Do ya... do you think about me? _

_ And do ya... do you feel the same way?  _

_ And do ya... do you remember how it felt? _

_ 'Cause I do. So listen to me, baby. _

 

He and Stella had met four more times since the day at the marina. She kept the meetings casual, suggesting coffee shops or quiet parks, always in the daytime. He didn’t push her and didn’t ask about her relationship. All he wanted was to spend time with her.

He could tell she was still hesitant to open up to him, and he couldn’t help but notice how she always turned the conversations back to him when he started asking questions about her life. He gladly answered every question she had about his. 

He wanted so badly to tell her how he felt about her - that after all this time, he still wanted to be with her. But she had made it clear that they were only friends, and he wouldn’t pressure her. He wanted her to be happy, no matter what it cost him.

 

_ And I'm not trying to ruin your happiness, _

_ But darling, don't you know that I'm the only one for ya? _

_ And I'm not trying to ruin your happiness, baby, _

_ But darling, don't you know that I'm the only one?  _

 

At times, when Stella let her guard down, things felt just like they had when they were a couple. She frequently reached out to touch his hand or his arm without realizing she was doing it. She would smile shyly up at him from beneath her lashes as she drank her coffee, and he often felt her staring at him when he wasn’t looking.

 

_ And do ya... do you think about me at all? _

_ And do you... do you feel the same way? _

_ Oh, tell me, babe. _

_ And do ya... do you remember how it felt? _

_ 'Cause I do. So listen to me now. _

 

Shawn couldn’t help but wonder if somewhere, deep down, she still had feelings for him, too. If she sat up thinking about them at night like he did. The more time he spent with her, the harder it was for him to keep his feelings to himself.

 

_ And I'm not trying to ruin your happiness, _

_ But darling, don't you know that I'm the only one for ya? _

_ And I'm not trying to ruin your happiness, baby, _

_ But darling, don't you know that I'm the only one? _

 

Shawn grew more emboldened each time he saw her. He started asking innocent questions about her relationship the way that a friend would. She avoided his questions cagily, and told him it was awkward to talk about it with him. He reminded her that they were friends, and that friends shared that kind of thing with each other. 

 

_ Do I ever cross your mind? _

_ Do I ever cross your mind? _

_ Do I ever cross your mind? _

_ Do I ever cross your mind? _

 

She continued to dodge his questions, but Shawn persisted. He could sense that, although she seemed frustrated with him, she was close to caving.

“Just tell me about him!” he insisted. “You’re my  _ friend _ , Stella,” he said, emphasizing the word. “How can we be friends if you won’t tell me anything about your life?”

Stella thought about these past weeks with Shawn. She knew, even though he didn’t say it, that he wanted her. And she wanted him, more than she’d wanted anything in her whole life. But she also knew that he deserved the truth, and that he might not want her after she told him. She took a deep breath, and sent up a silent prayer that somehow he could forgive her for everything she had done. And that he would find a way to love her again.

 

_ And I'm not trying to ruin your happiness, _

_ But darling, don't you know that I'm the only one for ya? _

_ And I don't wanna, I don't wanna ruin your happiness, baby, _

_ But darling, don't you know that I'm the only one? Yeah _

 

“Shawn, the truth is _ — _ ” she began. She stopped. “The thing is _ —  _ God, this is so hard,” she stopped again. “The truth is, I don’t have a boyfriend.”

Shawn looked at her, confused. “What?”

“I’m not in a relationship,” she repeated. 

Hope filled Shawn’s eyes. “There’s no one else?”

“There is someone else,” Stella‘s eyes watered. “But not a boyfriend. The guy in my life is… he’s my son.”

“ _Your son?_ ” Shawn asked as the new information sunk in. “You have a son?”

“Actually, Shawn,” Stella took a deep breath. It was now or never. “You do, too.”

Shawn froze. He was sure he had misunderstood her. Stella held her breath as she waited for Shawn to respond, but he didn’t seem able to form any words.

“Shawn?” she asked tentatively. “Shawn, I’m so sorry _ — _ ”

“I have a son?” he finally asked. “What do you mean? How could I _ — _ ”

Stella wiped uselessly at the tears that now flowed freely down her cheeks. “I didn’t find out I was pregnant until three months after we moved. I was so devastated and I missed you so much that I didn’t even notice the signs. And I was all alone _ — _ ”

“Wait,” Shawn interrupted. “Is that why you left your mum’s?”

“Yes. I couldn't tell her about the baby. She would’ve done something awful and I just couldn’t _ — _ ”

“Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve been there!”

“I was so scared, Shawn! Everything was happening so fast, and suddenly you were everywhere, you had a record deal and you were getting so famous _ — _ ”

“Stella, how could you think I wouldn’t want to be there for you? For both of you? You know how I felt about you.”

Stella tried not to think about how he’d said  _ felt  _ \- past tense. She instead thought carefully about her next words, afraid to say out loud the thing she’d been feeling since the beginning. “I did try to call you, once. I couldn’t get through on your cell phone, but I left a voicemail on your parent’s house phone. I know that one message probably doesn’t count for much. But I think, deep down, I believed _ — _ ” she hesitated, “that we would’ve ended everything for you. That you would have had to give up your dreams. You were just getting started, and we would’ve ruined it all. And that’s the last thing I ever wanted.”

“Has he ruined your life?

“What? No! He’s made my life magic.”

“And what about your dreams?”

“I’ve made some adjustments. I have new dreams.”

“I would’ve done the same, Stella. You were my real dream.”

They sat in painful silence for what felt like forever.

“What do we do now?” Stella asked quietly.

Shawn took a deep breath. “I think I need some time,” he answered. 

 

Stella was still crying on the park bench hours after Shawn had left her there.

 

_ Do I ever, said I, do I ever, said I, do I? _

_ Do I ever, said I, do I ever, said I? Oh oh oh oh _

_ Do I ever... do I ever cross your mind? _

_ Not trying to ruin your happiness at all. _


	11. Hold On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the Shawn Mendes AU teenage heartbreak story you didn’t know you needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All works posted on this site are works of fanfiction unless expressly stated otherwise. I claim no ownership of any trademarked song lyrics used. I only own the original character(s) in the work.
> 
> Warnings: None
> 
> Note: Italics are song lyrics

Shawn was sitting in his living room, his head hanging between his knees. His mind raced with everything Stella had told him. He had a son? He was a dad? Well, he wasn’t a dad. Not yet anyway. He grieved for the two years he had lost with a child he hadn’t met, but who shared his DNA. He grieved for Stella, who had raised his little boy alone.

 

_ Stop, take it in and I _

_ Breathe for a minute, I _

_ Think too much when I'm alone. _

_ I never win when I _

_ Keep all my thoughts inside, _

_ So I'll pick up the phone. _

 

Shawn called the only person he knew stood any chance of helping him make sense of all this. His heart swelled when he heard his dad’s voice on the line.

“Dad! I need you.”

Manny knew immediately that his son was in distress.

 

_ And my dad says, "Shawn, stay with me _

_ Everything will be alright _

_ I know I haven't seen you lately, _

_ But you're always on my mind.” _

 

Shawn recounted the events of the past few weeks to his dad over the phone. Manny listened without judgement, as Shawn had known he would.

 

_ “I don't know what you're going through, _

_ But there's so much life ahead of you, _

_ And it won't slow down no matter what you do, _

_ So you just gotta hold on. _

_ All we can do is hold on, yeah.” _

 

“And now I don’t know what to do,” Shawn finished.

“You and I both know that’s not true, son,” his dad replied truthfully. “You need to be there for him. And for Stella.”

 

_ These days are flying by; _

_ Weeks feel like minutes, I _

_ Can't remember being small. _

_ I try to figure it out, _

_ I can't seem to find out how. _

_ I guess I don't know much at all. _

 

“I’ve lost so much time with him,” Shawn despaired. 

“Why did she keep him a secret from you all this time?” Manny asked.

“She said she was afraid. But, actually,” Shawn said, remembering something Stella had told him, “she said she tried to call once. She left a message on  _ your  _ answering machine.”

Manny had forgotten all about that message. “Oh Shawn,” he began, realizing his huge mistake. “I’m so sorry. Your mum and I _ —  _ we thought it was best not to tell you. You were  _ just  _ starting to move on from her, and so much was happening. We thought it would just set you back. I’m so sorry.”

Shawn was quiet for a moment. “It’s not your fault,” he finally said. “It is what it is.”

“We just did what we thought was best. We had no idea _ — _ ”

“It’s ok. I know about him now. But _ — _ what if she doesn’t want me in his life?”

Manny thought for a minute about the question. “Does that sound like the Stella you know?”

“No _ — _ not the Stella I knew before.”

“And what about the Stella you know now?” Manny asked. “Can she be that different?”

Shawn thought about the time he’d spent with Stella. “In a lot of ways, she’s the exact same girl I fell in love with,” he said, remembering the smart, funny, sexy young woman who could still simultaneously challenge him and make him laugh harder than anyone he knew. He also thought about the walls she had put up over the last three years. “But I don’t think she trusts me. I’m not sure she trusts anyone. She’s been through a lot. And she was all on her own.”

“The Stella I remember would want you to be in your child’s life. And I have to believe  _ that _ Stella’s still in there. You just have to show her that you’re ready to step up. And we’ll be here to support you every step of the way. That’s our grandson, after all.” He couldn’t believe he was saying that when his oldest child was only twenty years old.

 

_ And my dad says, "Shawn, stay with me, _

_ Everything will be alright. _

_ I know I haven't seen you lately, _

_ But you're always on my mind. _

 

_ I don't know what you're going through, _

_ But there's so much life ahead of you, _

_ And it won't slow down no matter what you do, _

_ So you just gotta hold on. _

_ All we can do is hold on, yeah. _

_ All we can do is hold on. _

_ Yeah, you just gotta hold on. _

_ Just, just hold on, _

_ Just hold on for me." _

 

“What if I don’t know what to do with him? Or if he hates me?”

Manny smiled. “Shawn, you’re the kindest person I’ve ever known. You have made millions of people all around the world fall in love with you. How hard can a two-year-old be?”

Shawn knew he had an uphill battle ahead of him, and he wasn’t sure he was ready, but he was feeling better than when he had first picked up the phone.

Before Manny finally hung up the phone, he asked, “What is my grandson’s name?”

“I don’t know,” Shawn admitted. “I was so shocked, I wasn’t thinking. But I can’t wait to find out.”

_ And my dad says, "Shawn, stay with me, _

_ Everything will be alright. _

 

_ I don't know what you're going through, _

_ But there's so much life ahead of you, _

_ And it won't slow down no matter what you do, _

_ So you just gotta hold on. _

_ All we can do is hold on, yeah.” _


	12. Never Be Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the Shawn Mendes AU teenage heartbreak story you didn’t know you needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All works posted on this site are works of fanfiction unless expressly stated otherwise. I claim no ownership of any trademarked song lyrics used. I only own the original character(s) in the work.
> 
> Warnings: None
> 
> Note: Italics are song lyrics

Shawn sent Stella a short text the next day. “I’d like to meet him.”

Her reply was even shorter. “Ok.”

Shawn didn’t know where Stella lived. She’d always insisted on meeting him in neutral locations, and now he understood why. But she’d sent him her address when he asked when and where he could meet his son.

He stood outside her door, screwing up the courage to knock. Several deep breaths later, he finally managed to rap gently on the door. He held his breath as he heard the lock click.

Stella didn’t let him in; instead, she cracked the door just enough for her to slip out into the hallway, blocking his view of inside.

“Hi,” she said. She sounded nervous, like they were meeting for the first time all over again. “Before you come in, I need to know,” she began. It sounded like she had rehearsed what she wanted to say. “I need to know that you really want to be part of his life. Because I can’t let him get close to you if you’re just going to disappear.”

Shawn hadn’t been expecting this, but he answered as honestly as he could. “I want to be in his life,” he said, “if you’ll let me.”

“I do want him to know his dad,” Stella said, then hesitated. “But I… I’m scared of losing him.”

Shawn could hear the pain and fear in her voice, and it broke his heart. “I don’t want to take him from you, Stella,” he said truthfully. “I just want to know him. And help you.”

He knew she feared abandonment; he knew what her mother had put her through, and he could only imagine the pain and heartbreak she carried all those years. He would do everything in his power to show her that he wouldn’t put her son through the same.

 

_ I promise that one day I'll be around; _

_ I'll keep you safe. _

_ I'll keep you sound. _

 

Stella nodded her head, then reached back to open the door to her apartment. Shawn followed her inside.

It was tiny, but it was bright and clean. Shawn knew he could cross the entire apartment in just a few strides, and he felt instantly guilty about the size of the home Stella shared with her son compared to where he lived alone. 

Stella watched Shawn’s face closely as he took in the tiny kitchen and living room. Shawn’s eyes finally fell on a small table in the corner under the window on the far side of the space. A little boy was sitting in a little chair, coloring diligently. His little tongue peaked out of the corner of his mouth as he concentrated on his picture.

Stella stopped next to Shawn, still watching for his reactions. Shawn inhaled sharply. “Is that _ — _ is that him?” he barely whispered.

“Yes,” she said, just as quietly. They watched the beautiful boy quietly for a long moment.

Finally, Stella broke the silence. “Baby,” she said, more loudly, so that the little boy would hear her. He looked up at her and smiled. “There’s someone I want you to meet,” she said.

He stood up from the table and crossed the room. Shawn stopped breathing altogether when he saw the little boy’s face. It was Shawn’s face. 

Stella reached down to pick up her son. Shawn’s fingers itched to reach toward the boy and touch his curly brown hair. Shawn’s hair.

“Shade, this is,” Stella paused, deciding what to say. “This is my friend Shawn,” she decided.

Shawn’s eyes misted over and he had to swallow the lump in his throat before he managed to say, “Hi, Shade.” He stuck his right hand out, out of habit or awkwardness. He hadn’t been around too many little kids.

He was surprised when Shade reached out and shook his hand. “Hi,” said the little boy, smiling. “Nice to meet you.”

“Why don’t we sit down,” Stella offered, motioning toward the love seat. “Shade, you can show us what you’re working on.”

Shade was happy to present his artwork to the adults. Shawn asked questions about his picture, and he was blown away with the young boy’s vocabulary. He couldn’t always understand him, but the little boy was talking in paragraphs. Shawn didn’t know any better, but he would’ve expected words, sentences maybe. Shade was well-spoken and polite, always saying  _ please  _ and  _ thank you _ ,  _ yes ma’am  _ and  _ no sir. _

“He’s like a tiny adult,” Shawn observed impressively. They were watching Shade play with a plastic car on the floor in front of them.

“Well he’s always around adults or big kids,” Stella said. “He’s at the studio with me all the time.”

Shawn had so many questions for Stella, it was hard to know where to begin.

“He’s two?” he asked. 

“Two and a half,” she replied. His birthday is March second.”

“How did you come up with Shade?” he asked curiously. “I’ve never heard it as a name before. But I like it,” he added quickly, “it’s different.”

Stella blushed. “I wanted to name him after you,” she admitted. “But… I also didn’t want anyone to find out he was yours. You had gotten famous, it felt like overnight. I don’t know why I worried that someone would connect the dots. I was paranoid, I guess.”

Shawn didn’t know how to respond. He was starting to realize that the public finding out Shawn Mendes had a son - her son - was a source of anxiety for her.

She stood up and crossed the small living room to the equally small kitchen and picked up a book off the counter. She handed it to Shawn when she sat back down.

The cover had a picture of a newborn Shade. Underneath the picture was a block of text in navy writing.

“Shawn Peter Raul Lennox,” Shawn read to himself. He was moved that the amazing creature in front of him shared parts of his name.

Shawn opened the book and began looking through the photos inside. It was like looking at a story of his entire life, from his very first moments curled up on Stella’s chest in a hospital bed to countless photos of him crawling around, then dancing with the older dancers at the studio. Shawn beamed at every photo. His son was obviously so loved and so happy. He wiped unashamedly at the tears in his eyes. 

Suddenly, Shade was standing in front of Stella, holding his toy car out to her. It had broken when he crashed it into the coffee table and he was on the verge of tears. “Mummy fix it,” he pleaded.

Shawn reached out a hand for the car. “Can I take a look?” he asked.

“Ok,” Shade said, handing the car to Shawn. 

Shawn took a moment to reassemble the car. He got down on the floor to hand the repaired car back, and was an instant hero in Shade’s eyes. 

Stella watched with tears in her eyes as Shawn and Shade played together on the floor. Shawn had seemed unsure of himself with Shade at first, but he was warming up quickly as he played cars on the floor. Shade took an instant liking to Shawn as they played. He was soon climbing all over the man he didn’t know was his dad. Stella could have sat watching them forever, but her eyes landed on the clock on the wall across from her and she realized it was time to start cooking dinner if she wanted to get Shade to bed on time.

She cleared her throat, and Shawn looked back at her.

“I need to start dinner,” she said. Shawn could see the redness in her eyes, and realized his must look the same.

He began to stand up, disentangling himself from the little boy as he realized that was his cue to leave. “I should get going,” he said,

“Or you could stay,” Stella said hopefully. “For dinner,” she clarified.

Shawn looked at her as if to ask  _ are you sure _ ? She nodded.

He smiled as Shade made a concerted effort to climb his long leg. “Is it ok if I stay for dinner, Shade?” Shawn asked as he pulled the little boy into his arms.

Shade beamed. “Yes!” he shouted gleefully.

“Ok,” Shawn agreed. “I’ll stay.” He couldn’t help but stare in awe at the giggling boy he held in his arms. “But you know,” Shawn whispered conspiratorially in Shade’s ear. “We should ask Mummy how we can help,” he said.

 

_ Right now it's pretty crazy, _

_ And I don't know how to stop or slow it down. _

 

Stella was overcome with emotion. The perfect domesticity of hearing Shade’s dad talk to their son, call her Mummy, overwhelmed her. She turned away from the scene to gather herself. Shawn noticed. He put Shade down to play on the floor again and walked quietly into the kitchen behind Stella.

She froze as she felt Shawn standing behind her, so close they were almost touching. 

“Hey,” Shawn said soothingly into her ear as he leaned just slightly over her shoulder. He wanted so badly to pull her into his arms, but he was afraid he would scare her away. “Are you ok?”

Stella sniffed and nodded her head. She wiped at her eyes once again. “Yes,” she said breathlessly. “I just… seeing you two together…”

Shawn wished she would turn around so he could read her face. “Is it too much?” he asked worriedly. “I can back off _ — _ ”

“No!” Stella exclaimed, more forcefully than she intended. She turned around, finding herself almost pressed against Shawn in her tiny kitchen. She inhaled sharply. “I’ve waited for this for so long. It’s better than I ever dreamed it could be.”

At the sight of Stella crying in front of him, Shawn couldn’t resist anymore. He pulled her toward him by her elbows and wrapped her in his arms. He let her cry into his shoulder as he stroked her soft blonde hair and whispered “It’s ok” over and over again. Her shoulders shuddered and he held her more tightly. It felt like she was beginning to let go of three years of fear, pain, anxiety, and heartbreak.

When her breathing finally returned to normal, she pulled back and wiped her eyes again. “I’m sorry,” she said, smiling bashfully. “I’m a mess.”

“You’re perfect,” he said, still holding onto her arms. He couldn’t make himself let go.

 

_ Hey— _

_ I know there are some things we need to talk about. _

_ And I can't stay— _

_ Just let me hold you for a little longer now. _

 

Stella seemed to suddenly realize how close they were, and he knew she could feel the tension between them. She slowly pulled back from him and let out a shaky breath. She turned back to the food she had laid out on the counter to make dinner.

“What can I do?” Shawn asked. He understood that their moment, whatever it had been, was over.

“You can cut up the vegetables,” she answered, pulling a cutting board and knife onto the counter.

Shawn was happy to help, although he was somewhat inexperienced in cooking beyond putting a frozen pizza in the oven. Stella noticed, and tried not to laugh.

“You don’t cook much do you?” she asked, taking the knife out of Shawn’s hand. He watched as she lined up the vegetables in even rows and cut them quickly into smaller pieces.

“No,” he admitted sheepishly.

Stella smiled. “That’s ok,” she said, “As long as your mum isn’t still doing your laundry,” she teased.

Shawn blushed. “ _ No _ !” Stella said, laughing in earnest now.

“Not all of it!” he tried to defend himself. “You try keeping up with laundry when you stay in a hotel room more than you stay at your own house!” He knew the argument was weak.

“Forgive me if I don’t feel too bad for you,” Stella teased.

It was the most relaxed she had been since their reunion. Shade had come into the kitchen looking for Shawn, and he’d allowed himself to be lead away. It’s not as if he was really helping with dinner. They continued their comfortable chatter as Stella finished up in the kitchen. It wasn’t long before the tiny apartment smelled like whatever wonderful meal she was cooking.

Stella rejoined the boys  _ — her boys _ , she caught herself thinking  _ —  _ on the living room floor. They all played together while dinner cooked in the oven.

An hour later, Shawn was clearing the table. He had insisted that he do the wash since Stella had cooked what turned out to be an incredible dinner of chicken and roasted vegetables. Shawn was impressed at how well the two-year-old boy ate. He thought little kids were supposed to be picky.

“Shade, it’s bath time!” Stella said.

Shade tried to run away, but there weren’t many places he could go, so Stella caught him easily.

Shawn listened to the sounds of bathwater running and Stella and Shade laughing. It was his turn to become overwhelmed with happiness _ — _ and uncertainty.

When Stella returned to the kitchen, she was cradling Shade, who was wrapped up in a towel. Shawn quickly recovered himself, hoping Stella and Shade wouldn’t notice. He reached out to tickle Shade and relished the sound of the little boy’s squeals. Shawn had always known he wanted to be a dad, but had never thought too much about what that would entail. He would give anything to have more moments like this.

“Someone wanted to say goodnight,” Stella said, holding her son close to Shawn so Shade could give him a hug.

“Goodnight, Shade,” Shawn said as the little boy wrapped his arms tightly around his neck. 

“Goodnight, Shawn,” he replied.

Stella took the boy back out of the kitchen and into what he assumed was Shade’s bedroom. After a few minutes, Shawn heard the little boy calling out for him.

He walked across the apartment and into the only door he saw. He found Stella sitting on the edge of Shade’s tiny toddler bed, tucking him in. Shawn quickly took in the details of this room. It was small like the rest of the apartment, and Stella had managed to fit her bed and Shade’s bed into the tiny space. Guilt once again tugged at Shawn as he thought about what Stella had had to sacrifice to take care of their son. How he was more than capable of supporting them both, but she’d never asked him for anything.

“Sing me a song!” Shade exclaimed happily.

Shawn squeezed down in the small space on the floor next to Shade’s bed. Stella had to curl her legs under herself further to accommodate them all.

“Any requests?” Shawn asked. “Do you have a favorite song?”

Shade scrunched up his nose in thought, then said “no” rather unhelpfully.

Shawn thought about a melody he’d been working on earlier that day. He began to whistle for the little boy. He didn’t have any lyrics planned, but as the best songs always did, the words flowed from him freely as he began to sing to his son.

 

_ Take a piece of my heart, _

_ And make it all your own, _

_ So when we are apart, _

_ You'll never be alone. _

_ You'll never be alone. _

 

He whistled the melody again.

 

_ You'll never be alone. _

_ When you miss me close your eyes, _

_ I may be far, but never gone. _

_ When you fall asleep tonight,  _

_ Just remember that we lay under the same stars. _

 

_ And hey— _

 

Shawn looked in Stella’s direction.

 

_ I know there are some things we need to talk about. _

_ And I can't stay, _

_ Just let me hold you for a little longer now. _

 

Stella couldn’t take her eyes off Shawn as she thought about the words he sang.

 

_ And take a piece of my heart, _

_ And make it all your own, _

_ So when we are apart, _

_ You'll never be alone. _

_ You'll never be alone... _

 

Shawn choked on the last words. 

Stella kissed Shade on the forehead and ruffled his hair. “I love you,” she said. She stood up and walked to the door before turning to look back at Shawn and Shade.

“Goodnight,” Shawn said again.

“Goodnight Shawn,” Shade yawned. “Will you come back tomorrow?”

Shawn glanced up at Stella, who nodded. “I’ll be here,” he whispered into his son’s hair. “I’ll be here.”

 

_ And take a piece of my heart, _

_ And make it all your own, _

_ So when we are apart, _

_ You'll never be alone. _

_ You'll never be alone... _


	13. This Is What It Takes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the Shawn Mendes AU teenage heartbreak story you didn’t know you needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All works posted on this site are works of fanfiction unless expressly stated otherwise. I claim no ownership of any trademarked song lyrics used. I only own the original character(s) in the work.
> 
> Warnings: None
> 
> Note: Italics are song lyrics

_ I watch your troubled eyes as you rest, _

_ And I fall in love with every breath. _

_ Wonder if those eyes are really shut, _

_ And am I the one you're dreaming of? _

 

_ 'Cause underneath the darkness, _

_ There's a light that's trying so hard to be seen. _

_ And I know this 'cause I've noticed _

_ A little bit shining through the seams. _

 

Shawn was sitting on his patio enjoying a warm fire, playing a new song. His family was visiting from Pickering, and his mum and sister had spent the weekend decorating his house for Christmas, which was just weeks away. Manny walked outside with a couple of beers and sat across from where Shawn was playing.

Shawn had shared every detail about Shade, whom he’d been getting to know over the last few months. He knew his parents and sister were dying to meet the little boy, but Shawn insisted they give it more time. He shared plenty of pictures and videos with them while he kept them waiting.

 

_ And if this is what it takes, _

_ Then let me be the one to bear the pain. _

_ If this is what it takes, _

_ I'll break down these walls that are in our way. _

_ If this is what it takes... _

 

“Are you coming home for Christmas?” Manny was asking.

“I wanted to spend Christmas with Shade and Stella,” Shawn replied, “but she’s taking him back to Edmonton to visit her old boss. I guess she helped them out a lot. So yes, I’ll be home.”

Manny could hear the disappointment in his son’s voice. “I’m proud of you, Shawn,” he told him. “You’re really stepping up.”

Shawn thought about his time with Shade. “I wish I could do more,” he confessed. “Make up for lost time. But Stella won’t let me help.”

Manny moved to sit next to his son. “Stella’s been through a lot. All you can do is show her that you’re here for them in any way she’ll let you be. She’s probably afraid you’ll try to take Shade away from her.”

“I don’t think she’s worried about that anymore,” Shawn replied. “She was. But I don’t want to take him away. She’s a great mum and he’s just the happiest little kid. But you should see their tiny apartment. It’s smaller than this,” he said, indicating the patio they were sitting on. “One bedroom. Hardly any space to move. It doesn’t seem fair that I have this huge house and I live alone, and she’s raising my son in a place the size of my closet.”

Manny patted his son’s knee reassuringly as he took another drink. Shawn continued, “And she won’t let me help at all. I’ve offered to pay child support, pay her rent _ — _ ”

Shawn and his parents had already had several conversations about Shawn financially supporting Shade. They had pushed him to ask Stella for a DNA test, but he refused, and once they saw pictures of the little boy, they knew he must be Shawn’s.

“She won’t take any money.”

“You could talk to a lawyer,” Manny reminded Shawn, as he’d done many times before.

“No lawyers,” Shawn insisted exasperatedly. “If we get lawyers involved, it’s that much more likely that the media will find out about them. I think she’s afraid of that more than anything else.”

“I can’t say I blame her,” Manny said. “That would be a lot to deal with. You can hardly walk down the street without getting mobbed. Can you imagine putting a child through all that?”

Shawn didn’t know how to answer. He knew that when the media found out he had a child - and it was inevitable that they would find out eventually - that it would be a circus. He couldn’t imagine dragging Stella through that. They didn’t talk about it often, but once she had casually referenced the way the media talked about women who’d had - or claimed to have had - a celebrity’s child. He knew she was not interested in being dragged through the mud, and he didn’t want that for her either. She’d already sacrificed so much to raise his child on her own. He didn’t want to put her through any more pain.

 

_ You keep on telling me I'm wasting time, _

_ But to call it wasting time, oh, that's a crime. _

_ And you think it's crazy what I'm trying to do. _

_ Well baby, I'm a fool for you. _

 

_ 'Cause underneath the darkness, _

_ There's a light that's trying so hard to be seen. _

_ And I know this 'cause I've noticed _

_ A little bit shining through the seams. _

 

_ And if this is what it takes, _

_ Then let me be the one to bear the pain. _

_ If this is what it takes, _

_ I'll break down these walls that are in our way. _

 

Manny finally spoke, changing the subject. “Are you and Stella _ — _ ” he began. Shawn cast a sideways glance that told his dad to tread carefully. “ _ — _ getting along ok?” he finished, though Shawn knew this wasn’t what he really wanted to know.

“We get along great,” Shawn replied, and he couldn’t help but smiling as he thought about her. “Now that she’s started to let her guard down, she is more and more like she was before,” he said, meaning before she had moved to Edmonton. “And you should see her dance,” he said. “She’s incredible. And Shade’s a good little dancer, too!”

The week before, Shawn had visited Stella at the studio after it had closed. Stella had to stay late to work on the choreography of a new piece and Shawn was desperate to spend time with Shade after Shawn had been out of town, so she’d let him come hang out while she worked. He’d watched her move in awe, and then laughed when Shade joined her on the floor to try to mimic her moves. It wasn’t long before Shade had insisted that Shawn join them, and the three of them giggled endlessly as they danced the rest of the evening away.

Manny could see what Shawn wasn’t telling him. “Have you told her, son?” he asked.

Shawn knew what he meant, although he was hesitant to put words to his feelings. “Told her what?” he asked, buying time.

Manny arched an eyebrow at him. “You know what I mean. Have you told her how you feel about her?”

“I don’t want to scare her, “Shawn confessed. “I just got her back.”

“Is it possible,” Manny began carefully, “that these feelings are just about Shade?” he asked gently. “Don’t get me wrong, I want nothing more than for you to be a family.” He continued before Shawn could argue, “When you and Aaliyah were little, I’d watch your mom with you, and I’d fall more and more in love with her. It was powerful, seeing her with my children, knowing we’d made you together. And I’m a pretty traditional guy, but I don’t want you to get into a relationship for the wrong reasons.”

Shawn thought about what his dad said. He knew there was some truth to his words; seeing Stella parent his son gave him feelings unlike anything he’d felt before. But he knew his feelings for Stella went beyond Shade.

“I never got over her,” Shawn said quietly. “After all this time, I’m still in love with her.”

 

_ 'Cause if you don't understand yet, _

_ Then I'll never let you forget _

_ That you don't have to do this on your own. _

 

_ I'll be your shoulder to lean on, _

_ I'll be your right when you feel wrong. _

_ So come on, take my hand, we're moving on. _

 

Manny smiled. “Then you should tell her.”

 

_ And if this is what it takes, _

_ Then let me be the one to bear the pain. _

_ Oh and if this is what it takes, _

_ I'll break down these walls _

_ These walls that are in our way. _

_ If this is what it takes... _


	14. Why

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the Shawn Mendes AU teenage heartbreak story you didn’t know you needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All works posted on this site are works of fanfiction unless expressly stated otherwise. I claim no ownership of any trademarked song lyrics used. I only own the original character(s) in the work.
> 
> Warnings: None
> 
> Note: Italics are song lyrics

Stella and Shade were spending Christmas in Edmonton. It was the first time she’d seen Tori since the big move, and she and Shade were happy to be back.

As promised, Stella was bringing choreography to teach Tori’s company while she was in town. The three of them were at Tori’s studio the evening before Stella’s class. She wanted to get Tori’s opinion on the number before she taught it to the company.

Shade sat in Tori’s lap happily as his mum stood at the center of the floor, ready to dance. Tori hit play. Stella began to move when she heard the first notes and lost herself in the dance.

Tori was surprised when she recognized the voice that came over the speakers; it was Shawn’s voice, singing his latest single. It had been on the radio nonstop and Tori’s dancers were always requesting she play it during warmup. 

 

_ I know a girl, she's like a curse _

_ We want each other, no one will break first. _

_ So many nights, trying to find someone new; _

_ They don't mean nothing compared to her, and I know... _

 

_ When people ask about us, now, we just brush it off. _

_ I don't know why we act like it means nothing at all. _

_ I wish that I could tell you that you're all that I want, yeah... _

 

Stella was captivating to watch. She made even the smallest movements powerful, allowing them each to take up their own space. As she leapt off the floor, Tori’s heart soared with her. Stella connected to music in ways Tori rarely saw, even in her best dancers. As Tori listened to the lyrics, she understood why Stella must have chosen this song, whether she was aware of it or not. She wondered if Shawn had written the song just for her.

 

_ I pretend that I'm not ready— _

_ Why do we put each other through hell? _

_ Why can't we just get over ourselves? _

_ And you say hi like you just met me— _

_ Why do we put each other through hell? _

_ Why can't we just get over ourselves? _

_ Why can't we just get over ourselves? _

 

Tori and Shade clapped loudly when the song ended. Shade was always entranced by his mum’s dancing, and so was Tori.

“What do you think?” Stella asked.

“Honestly?” Tori asked,

“Of course,” Stella replied. “I can take it,” she said, remembering with a smile the first conversation she and Tori had ever had.

“I think it’s the best thing you’ve ever done,” Tori said. 

Stella beamed. “Really? You don’t think it’s… too _ — _ ”

“Too what?” Tori asked. “Too beautiful? Too powerful?” she paused. “Too… honest?” she hedged.

Stella furrowed her brow. “What do you mean?” she asked.

“Oh come on, Stell, you have to realize what this is about,” she gestured frantically toward the dance floor. “You and Shawn are just dancing around the obvious. Literally.”

 

_ When I hear you sing, it gets hard to breathe _

_ Can't help but think every song's about me. _

_ And every line, every word that I write; _

_ You are the muse in the back of my mind. _

 

“I told you, Tori, there’s nothing going on between us. We’re just _ — _ ”

“If you say friends, I’ll strangle you.” Stella snapped her mouth shut. “You can’t tell me you don’t have feelings for him again... still.”

Stella didn’t want to admit to herself that she still longed to be with Shawn. She’d thought that getting the chance to know him again might actually help her get over him - he couldn’t still be the sweet, caring, goofy boy she’d fallen in love with at seventeen. But she’d been wrong. He had turned into a thoughtful, compassionate, loving man.

“But what if he doesn’t feel the same way about me?” she asked, voicing the fears that she’d been nursing for months.

 

_ Don't want to ask about it 'cause you might brush it off. _

_ I'm afraid you think that it means nothing at all. _

_ I don't know why I won't admit that you're all I want. _

 

“But what if he does?” Tori asked gently.

 

_ I pretend that I'm not ready _

_ Why do we put each other through hell? _

_ Why can't we just get over ourselves? _

_ And you say hi like you just met me _

_ Why do we put each other through hell? _

_ Why can't we just get over ourselves? _

 

Stella lay awake on Tori’s couch thinking about their conversation. If she was completely honest with herself, she had to admit that she wanted to be with Shawn. When she closed her eyes, she pictured a happy family of three. She’d never wanted anything more in her life.

What was holding her back?

For one thing, she was also afraid of what would happen to them if the world found out that one of the world’s hottest musicians had had a child at seventeen. She knew the media would probably portray him as a hero and player, and her as a promiscuous, gold-digging slut. 

Not to mention what Shade would go through. Could her son ever have a normal life with Shawn as his dad? Stella thought about this question for awhile. The truth was, Shawn  _ was _ Shade’s dad, whether Stella and Shawn were a couple or not. And Shawn had made it clear that he was going to be part of Shade’s life. Would it be better or worse if they became a family of three?

Most of all, Stella was afraid Shawn would reject her. They didn’t talk about it much, but she knew he’d not only been in a relationship with one of the most beautiful women Stella had ever seen, but he’d also implied that he’d had his fair share of hookups as well. Although Stella was a very secure in who she was, she found it intimidating to think about. She couldn’t imagine why Shawn would want her when could have almost any woman in the world.

Stella sighed. It was this fear of rejection that was truly holding her back. She’d lost Shawn once. She didn’t think her heart could take losing him again.

 

_ I pretend that I'm not ready— _

_ Why do we put each other through hell? _

_ Why can't we just get over ourselves? _

_ And you say hi like you just met me— _

_ Why do we put each other through hell? _

_ Why can't we just get over ourselves? _

 

What Stella didn’t know was that Shawn lay awake 3,500 kilometers away thinking about the same things.

 

_ I know a girl, she's like a curse _

_ We want each other, no one will break first _

_ So many nights, trying to find someone new; _

_ They don't mean nothing compared to you. _


	15. When You're Ready

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the Shawn Mendes AU teenage heartbreak story you didn’t know you needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All works posted on this site are works of fanfiction unless expressly stated otherwise. I claim no ownership of any trademarked song lyrics used. I only own the original character(s) in the work.
> 
> Warnings: None
> 
> Note: Italics are song lyrics

It had taken a lot of convincing, but Shawn managed to talk Stella into hanging out with his friends - once upon a time, they had been her friends, too. She had made him promise that he would keep Shade a secret. She knew he’d told his parents about their son, but she feared that if he told anyone else, the media was bound to find out.

Stella had taken Shade over to Zoe’s house to spend the night. It was the first time she’d left him overnight since she moved from Toronto.

Shawn knocked on the door of Stella’s apartment, as he’d done many times before, but this felt different. He was nervous as he waited for her to answer.

Shawn couldn’t help but gape at Stella when she opened the door. She wore a fitted black shirt that showed off her slender collarbones and a pair of tight leather pants with heeled boots. Her hair fell loosely around her shoulders, and she wore red lipstick. He thought she was more beautiful than ever, and he had to remind himself to close his mouth as she stood back to let him in.

“You look...” he muttered. He cleared his throat. “Wow.” She blushed in return.

Stella took a moment to admire Shawn when his back was to her. He wore his signature tight black pants and boots with a simple white tee-shirt and fitted blazer. Though he was just Shawn to her, she could see why millions of girls around the world had fallen in love with him. He was gorgeous.

“Are you ready?” he asked, turning around.

“I’ll just get my coat,” she said, walking back to the bedroom to grab her coat and purse off her bed. Shawn opened the apartment door and gently ushered Stella through it with his hand on the small of her back. She noticed that he didn’t remove his hand as they walked down the narrow stairs of her apartment building together.

Shawn slipped on his favorite pair of sunglasses as he held the apartment building’s exterior door for her. He ducked his head down and walked with his hands in his pockets to his car that was parked on the street. He smiled as he held the door to his old black Jeep open for her.

“You still have it!” Stella gushed, stepping into the passenger seat. “I can’t believe it!” She would have thought Shawn would drive a much flashier car now.

“Are you kidding?” he asked as he leaned into the open doorway. “This is my baby! I’ll never get rid of her. Besides,” he smirked playfully, glancing past Stella to the back seat. “I have too many good memories in here.”

Stella blushed furiously and smacked Shawn lightly in the shoulder. “Shawn!” she laughed with him. It was the first time either one of them had openly acknowledged their past relationship. Shawn avoided the subject because he knew it made Stella uncomfortable. But tonight would be different. He wanted her to remember what it was like when they were in love.

 

Almost an hour later, Shawn was parking his Jeep in the driveway of a small house in Pickering. It was the first time Stella had been back in her hometown after more than three years. He could tell she was nervous. Shawn wasn’t the only person she had left behind, and she’d be facing her old friends for the first time.

“Do they know I’m coming?” she asked as they sat in the car. Shawn could tell he was nervous.

“No,” he answered. “I didn't tell them. I was afraid you’d change your mind,” he admitted.

Stella braced herself. “Ok,” she said. “Let’s get this party started.”

Stella wasn’t sure what she expected when Matt and Catherine, two of her oldest friends, opened the door. Certainly surprise, maybe speechlessness, sadness, or even anger. She didn’t give her old friends enough credit.

Catherine squealed the instant she saw Stella, and in the moment it took for Stella to step across the threshold of their house, Catherine had her arms wrapped tightly around Stella’s body. Stella breathed a sigh of relief and returned the hug.

“You guys!” Catherine cried in the direction of another room. “You’ll  _ never believe  _ who’s here!” She pulled Stella into the direction of the other guests.

Shawn started to follow, but Matt pulled him back. “Stella’s here?” Matt whispered. “ _ Stella _ ? You didn’t tell me you had seen her again.”

Shawn brushed off his shock. “Yeah, well, we’ve been hanging out,” he replied nonchalantly. “She lives in Toronto now.”

“Oh, she  _ lives in Toronto now _ ,” Matt mimicked him cheekily. “ _ We’ve been hanging out.  _ Just like that? And you’re what, back together?”

“No…” Shawn said slowly. “We’re friends.”

Matt looked at his friend quizzically. “I don’t believe that.”

“Well believe it, Matt, because we are. It’s fine.”

“Where has she been all this time?”

“Her mum moved her to Edmonton after she caught usin bed together,  and she just moved to Toronto for a job. And we ran into each other, and after we” Shawn motioned between him and Matt “figured out where she worked, I… well, I went to see her, and that’s it. We’re hanging out.”

“As friends,” Matt repeated skeptically. “And you didn’t mention this to any of us.”

“It didn’t seem like a big deal,” Shawn hedged, although he knew Matt didn’t believe him. “Because we’re just friends…”

“I still don’t believe that,” Matt said as he followed Shawn through the foyer and into the living room, where they found Stella encircled by their old friends.

Stella thought she might understand what it felt like to be Shawn. The second her old friends had recognized her, they’d surrounded her. Everyone wanted a hug; everyone had questions for her. Where had she been? How long had she been back? What had she been doing for the last three years? Why hadn’t she tried to contact anyone? Stella tried to answer their questions, but it seemed like they would never end.

Shawn came to her rescue and managed to break up the crowd, at least for the most part. He handed her a glass of red wine and helped her field some of the questions that had been thrown her way. This was definitely his wheelhouse, not hers. She only liked this much attention when she was dancing.

 

_ Maybe I had too many drinks, but that's just what I needed. _

_ I hope that you don't think that what I'm saying sounds conceited. _

 

A couple of hours later, Stella was much more relaxed. She was no longer the center of attention, and she was enjoying catching up with her high school girlfriends. She much preferred asking the questions to answering them, and she loved listening to stories of college - most of their friends were still in school - and of adventures in dating. 

 

_ When I look across the room, you're staring right back at me, _

_ Like somebody told a joke and we're the only ones laughing. _

 

It wasn’t easy keeping the attention off of herself. She could tell that the girls were dying to ask about her and Shawn, but as he was standing at the kitchen island within earshot of where they were sitting, the girls refrained. Shawn looked up when he heard Addison ask if Stella was seeing anyone.

“No,” Stella said, shaking her head. “I’m too busy for  _ boys _ ,” she emphasized the word.

The girls turned away from her momentarily, and she couldn’t help but glance in Shawn’s direction. He was looking at her, too. They both smiled, as if sharing a private joke.

 

_ Don't know why I try 'cause ain't nobody like you; _

_ Familiar disappointment every single time I do. _

 

Brian was standing with Shawn in the kitchen. He seemed to be the only one who didn’t think Shawn and Stella were back together. “Bro,” he said. Shawn could tell he’d already had several beers. “I can’t believe you aren’t with that hot chick anymore.” Shawn knew he meant Hailey. “But that means,” he continued, “you’re free to hookup with anyone you want now! So… who have you hooked up with lately?” he wiggled his eyebrows.

“Dude,” Shawn said, shoving his friend lightly in the shoulder. “I’m not like that.”

Brian raised his eyebrows at him, as if to say  _ bullshit _ .

“Anymore,” Shawn added. 

Ian joined the conversation. “Right. Because he’s back with Stella.”

“What _ —  _ No! We’re just _ — _ ”

“You can lie to yourself as long as you want,” Ian said knowingly. “But we all know where this is headed.”

 

_ Every single night my arms are not around you, _

_ My mind's still wrapped around you. _

 

Shawn and Stella had left the party not long after. It was getting harder to avoid awkward questions the more everyone drank. They’d had a good time, but they were both tired from the evening.

“What time do you have to pick up Shade?” Shawn asked around a yawn.

“Not until 10,” Stella replied. “Zoe is taking him and her daughter for breakfast first.”

Shawn couldn’t help but glance over in her direction as he drove. She didn’t seem to notice. Her head was resting comfortably on the seat behind her and she seemed mesmerized by the lights on the highway as they sped along.

 

_ Baby, tell me when you're ready, _

_ I'm waiting. _

 

Shawn swallowed. “You know, we’re still pretty far from your place,” he said. “I’m closer.”

It took Stella minute to understand what he was saying. She sat up and looked at Shawn.

He somehow found the courage to say, “You could stay.”

 

_ Baby, anytime you're ready, _

_ I'm waiting. _

 

A small “ok” managed to escape her lips. It was hard to know who was more surprised.

 

_ Even ten years from now, _

_ If you haven't found somebody _

_ I promise, I'll be around. _

 

Shawn found he was no longer tired as he pulled into his large garage. He walked around to Stella’s side of the car to let her out. Neither said a word as he let her into the house.

 

_ Tell me when you're ready, _

_ I'm waiting. _

 

Shawn followed Stella into the big, open living room. She stopped in front of the wall of windows that offered a breathtaking view of Lake Ontario. Shawn stood behind her, barely an inch between them. She could feel his breath stir her hair, but she felt like she could hardly breathe at all.

 

_ What if my dad is right when he says that you're the one? _

_ No, I can't even argue, I won't even fight him on it. _

 

Shawn didn’t question his feelings for Stella anymore.

 

_ Call you when it's late and I know that you're in bed _

_ 'Cause I'm three hours back, seems like you're always six ahead. _

 

He knew that he would do anything, give up anything to be with her again. 

 

_ I don't know why I try 'cause ain't nobody like you; _

_ Familiar disappointment every single time I do. _

 

He also knew she would never ask him to give up anything. He would never find anyone more perfect for him than Stella; he’d been around the world searching for a way to heal his heart, and she was the only one who could.

Shawn placed his hands gently on Stella’s arms. He breathed in the smell of her hair, and whispered “Stella” as he circled his arms around her waist.

 

_ And every single night my arms are not around you, _

_ My mind's still wrapped around you. _

 

Stella turned her head to the side, just enough to feel his lips place a gentle kiss to her forehead. She wrapped her arms around his. He wanted to stay that way forever, but all too soon, she was pulling away, untangling herself from his embrace. She turned to face him.

“Shawn,” she said sadly. He reached out to touch her shoulders; he couldn’t let her run away anymore. He knew she wanted him as much as he wanted her.

 

_ Baby, tell me when you're ready; _

_ I'm waiting. _

 

“Stella,” he said again. He bent his head to peer into her eyes. It was dark, but he could see that he eyes were wet. He reached up to touch her cheek softly. “Stella,” he repeated. 

 

_ Baby, anytime you're ready, _

_ I'm waiting. _

 

Stella leaned her cheek into his hand, closing her eyes and relishing the feeling of his skin on hers. She let him tilt her chin up toward him.

 

_ Even ten years from now, _

_ If you haven't found somebody _

_ I promise, I'll be around. _

 

Shawn looked into her eyes, giving her a chance to back away. For once, she didn’t.

 

_ Tell me when you're ready; _

_ I'm waiting. _

 

After a moment that felt like an eternity, Shawn closed the space between them. For the first time since they were seventeen, his lips brushed hers. It was so light Stella wasn’t sure if she had imagined it. 

 

_ And if I have to, I'll wait forever _

_ Say the word and I'll change my plans. _

 

Stella reached up to wrap her hands around Shawn’s neck and pulled him to her. Their lips crashed together, and in their kiss, words that had gone unspoken for so long seemed to pass between them.

Shawn wrapped his arms around Stella’s waist and pulled her tightly against him as their kiss deepened.

“Shawn,” she gasped into his mouth.

“Stella,” he whispered back, not breaking their kiss.

He moved his mouth along her jaw. “Are you sure?” she asked while he placed tender kisses on her neck.

Shawn pulled back to look her in the eye.

“You’re the only thing I’m sure about,” he replied earnestly.

“Even after all this time?”

“My feelings for you have never changed, Stella. I’ve never wanted anything more than I want you.”

“But your life is so…” she began. “How do Shade and I fit into all that?” She wanted desperately for him to tell her that somehow everything would be perfect.

“We can make it work,” he said, stroking soothing circles into her back. “We’ll figure it out, make it  _ our  _ life. Together. I won’t promise that it will be easy. I can’t do that. All I know is that I’m not whole without you. You’ll never convince me that you and I aren’t supposed to be together because I know in my heart that you’re the only one for me. After all this time, Stella,” he finally confessed, “I still love you.”

 

_ Yeah, you know that we fit together; _

_ I know your heart like the back of my hand. _

 

Tears momentarily kept Stella from responding. Shawn gently wiped her cheeks and pressed the tears to his heart.

 

_ So baby, tell me when you're ready; _

_ I'm waiting. _

_ Baby, anytime you're ready, _

_ I'm waiting. _

_ Even ten years from now, _

_ If you haven't found somebody _

_ I promise, I'll be around. _

_ Tell me when you're ready; _

_ I'm waiting. _

 

“I love you, too.”

That was all Shawn needed to hear. He pressed his lips back to hers, and knew that he would be happy to spend the rest of his life kissing her. 

 

_ Baby, tell me when you're ready; _

_ I'm waiting. _

_ Baby, anytime you're ready, _

_ I'm waiting. _

_ Even ten years from now, _

_ If you haven't found somebody _

_ I promise, I'll be around. _

_ Tell me when you're ready; _

_ I'm waiting; I’m waiting. _


	16. Epilogue: Perfect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me for not using a Shawn Mendes song for the epilogue!

It was momentarily quiet except for the sound of Lake Ontario’s waves lapping against the shore and the chatter of guests. Shawn had just kissed Stella’s head, excusing himself to go to the restroom.

Stella sat contentedly at a long table, looking happily out at all of the people she loved and who were part of her and Shawn’s story. Shade, now six years old, sat chatting happily next to her. He looked adorably handsome in his little tux. Stella reached over and ruffled his hair lovingly.

On Shade’s other side, Tori sat holding a giggling two-year-old girl. Just as Shade looked like a carbon copy of Shawn, she was undoubtedly a miniature Stella, from her bright blue eyes to her wild blonde waves. They had named her Story Aaliyah Mendes. Shawn had come up with Story, in honor of Tori, who had been such an instrumental source of support in Stella and Shade’s life without him.

The sound of a single guitar chord caught Stella’s attention. She turned to look in the direction of the sound to find Shawn standing alone on the stage where the band had been playing minutes earlier.

She didn’t know what he was up to, but she could guess.

_I found a love for me,_

_Darling, just dive right in and follow my lead._

_Well, I found a girl, beautiful and sweet._

_Oh, I never knew you were the someone waiting for me._

It was not a song Stella had ever heard before, but she knew immediately that Shawn had written it for her. 

_'Cause we were just kids when we fell in love,_

_Not knowing what it was._

With tears in her eyes, Stella thought about the beginning of her relationship with Shawn. They were so young, and had no idea what the world had in store for them, but the love they shared was pure.

_I will not give you up this time._

She thought about their torturous years apart, when she and Shade had been on their own and Shawn was just starting his career, travelling all around the world with no idea of the family he was leaving behind.

_But darling, just kiss me slow,_

_Your heart is all I own,_

_And in your eyes you're holding mine._

Stella could see tears in Shawn’s eyes, even though he was on stage several feet away.

_Baby, I'm dancing in the dark_

_With you between my arms,_

_Barefoot on the grass,_

_Listening to our favorite song._

_When you said you looked a mess,_

_I whispered underneath my breath,_

_But you heard it,_

_“Darling, you look perfect tonight.”_

Shawn was doing his best to fight back the joyous tears threatening to spill from his eyes as he sang to Stella.

_Well, I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know;_

_She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I'll share her home._

Shawn thought about the long road that had brought them to this moment. He could regret the years he lost with Stella, and with his son, but he also knew that their relationship was stronger because they knew what it was like to be apart. He felt more whole than he ever had in his life.

_I found a love to carry more than just my secrets,_

_To carry love, to carry children of our own._

 Shawn looked over at Shade and Story. Shade was holding his little sister in his lap with the help of Tori next to him. Story was beaming at her big brother. Shawn’s heart swelled.

_We are still kids but we're so in love,_

_Fighting against all odds;_

_I know we'll be alright this time._

_Darling, just hold my hand,_

_Be my girl, I'll be your man,_

_I see my future in your eyes._

Shawn’s attention was back on Stella. She was the most beautiful creature he’d ever seen, and today she was more breathtaking than ever before. She had seemed to float down the aisle toward him in her white lace gown. Now she sat, looking happier than he’d ever seen her, eyes locked on his.

_Baby, I'm dancing in the dark_

_With you between my arms,_

_Barefoot on the grass,_

_Listening to our favorite song._

_When I saw you in that dress,_

_Looking so beautiful—_

_I don't deserve this,_

_Darling, you look perfect tonight._

In the instrumental break, Shawn stepped down from the stage and walked toward his bride as he continued to play the guitar. Stella stood to meet him and put her arms around his neck, the guitar keeping her from crushing her body to his.

She was so consumed with love, tears streamed down her face. Shawn pushed the guitar onto his back, the backing track taking over for him so that he could hold his love. He gripped her waist, feeling the warm skin of her back that just barely peaked out from her two-piece dress. 

_Baby, I'm dancing in the dark_

He continued to sing, the mic clipped to his lapel picking up the last chorus.

_With you between my arms,_

He pulled her closer, not wanting even the tiniest bit of space between them.

_Barefoot on the grass,_

They swayed gently together as he continued to sing.

_Listening to our favorite song._

Stella knew that she would never forget how she felt in this moment, surrounded by family and friends, watched by her children, looking into the eyes of the man she would love for the rest of her life.

_I have faith in what I see,_

Shawn gently wiped the tears from her face and pressed them to his heart, as he’d done many times before.

_Now I know I have met an angel in person,_

Shawn’s own tears threatened to prevent him from finishing his song.

_And she looks perfect—_

Shawn knew that all good songs, at their hearts, were love songs. They told of love between friends, the unconditional love between parent and child, lost love, romantic love. He tried to define the love between him and Stella, to capture it in his song, but he knew that he couldn’t because it defined them.

_I don't deserve this,_

He would never know what he had done in his life to deserve Stella, Shade, and Story. But he knew that he would spend the rest of his life trying to make them feel as loved and whole as they made him.

_You look perfect tonight._


End file.
